Page 86 of Heal You
One week later…
With her choresfor the day done and dusted—literally—Jan relaxed back against the kitchen counter and sighed.She hated cleaning; there had been a time when she’d considered hiring someone only for Phil to insist that he would do it.But Morgan was headed over this evening once her shift was over…and Jan wanted to finish anything that needed doing beforehand.The thought of doing anything other than giving Morgan her full attention tonight filled her with dread.Morgan had worked the late shift last night, followed by the day shift this morning, so time together was all Jan wanted.
She turned for the coffee machine and powered it on.A quick caffeine fix would see her right, and then she could prepare for that beautiful evening with Morgan.Because, yes, evenings had become exciting since she’d met Morgan.Gone were the days of Jan sitting at home alone, waiting on a call from Phil from wherever he was in the country.Gone were the days of settling simply because that’s what was expected of her.Morgan made her feel, made her think, but more than anything, she had made Jan fall back in love with life.That said a lot about who Morgan was if she could pick Jan up so suddenly, given what had happened over the last few months.
As she sat a cup under the spout of the coffee machine, the doorbell rang.Her pulse quickened at the thought of Morgan waiting on the doorstep, arriving earlier than planned, so she rushed down the hallway and yanked the door open.
“Oh, Finn.Hi.”
“Hey.”Finn dipped her head and scuffed her boots against the ground, her hands shoved in her pockets.“Do you have a few minutes?”
Jan frowned.“Sure.Come in.”
“Thanks.I won’t stay long.I’m sure you’re busy.”Finn brushed past Jan and moved down the hallway and into the dining room.When she turned, she smiled and shifted uncomfortably.“I just wanted to touch base with you.”
“Touch base?”
“Yeah.I haven’t stopped by to apologise properly for the way things went the other week,” Finn said as she cleared her throat.“And I’d really like to do that.”
“Okay.”Jan had to smile at that.Finn wasn’t a bad person—far from it, actually—but she appreciated that she’d come here to apologise fully.It meant a lot to Jan.“Maybe we could have coffee?”
“Yeah, that would be great, thanks.”Finn slid her jacket off and hung it over the back of a dining chair.She sat down and clasped her hands in front of her on the table, chewing her lip.“Morgan not here today?”
“She’s working.She’s coming over this evening.”
“Nice.”Finn nodded slowly.“I think we’re allowed back in the bar after us being there last week, but it feels a bit strained still.Understandable, though.”
“She hasn’t said anything to me about either of you, so I couldn’t possibly explain anything regarding your friendship with her.”Jan carried two coffees through from the kitchen and sat down facing Finn.“I’m sure she’d be happy to have a conversation with you about it if you think that’s what needs to happen.”
“Yeah, maybe.I…don’t think she’s bothered either way.”
Jan knew Morgan would warm to Finn again when she was ready to.Until then, she wasn’t getting involved.Morgan was entitled to feel whatever way she felt surrounding the fallout.“Give it time.”
Finn wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and looked up at Jan.“And us?”
“What about us, Finn?”
“Do I need to give that time, too?”She stared back at Jan with a sadness in her eyes.“I would have come here sooner, but I wanted to give you and Morgan space to talk and stuff.I know I really fucked up, but I just…I can’t deal with the thought of you hating me.”
“Hate is averystrong word.”
“Maybe it is, but you’d be well within your rights to feel that way.”Finn’s voice trembled, surprising Jan.“If thatishow you feel, please don’t see less of Gillian.I can go out when you come over if you don’t want me there, or I can drive Gillian over here for girls’ night.Just please don’t make my wife suffer because I went behind her back and spoke to Morgan at the bar.I just…I was worried about you both.I didn’t want either of you to get hurt.”Finn shook her head.“I had no idea what had been going on between you, so my natural reaction was to worry about you moving too fast, you know?”
“Oh, Finn.I don’t hate you.”Jan reached a hand forward and settled it over Finn’s.“We’re okay.”
“Why didn’t you tell us about everything that was going on?”Finn frowned as she looked back at Jan.“Gillian is more like your sister than your friend, but we had no idea what was happening.”
“I wanted to explore what I was feeling for Morgan.I wasn’t ready to tell anyone.”Jan could understand why Finn had asked that question.The three of them knew everything about one another at one time.“Morgan just wanted to do the right thing for me, which I appreciated at the time.”
“I don’t mean with Morgan.I mean with Phil.Gillian says you were in counselling before you found out about the affair.”
Jan smiled weakly and cast her gaze on her coffee cup.“Everything has always been ‘Jan and Phil’.Neither of us could do any wrong in your eyes or Gillian’s.I guess I just wanted to work through our marriage problems and come out the other side with minimal impact.For nobody to look at us differently.”
“We would have been there for you, you know.”
“I know, and looking back, maybe I should have spoken to you both.Perhaps I would have seen what was happening sooner if I had,” Jan said, pausing as she exhaled a long, slow breath.“But you and Gillian were only just repairing your own relationship.Then I saw how madly in love you were with one another, and I just couldn’t bring myself to be honest about what was happening in my own life.”Jan scoffed.“Pathetic, really, isn’t it?”
Finn’s brows drew together.“What is?”
