Page 72 of Heal You
“Then I don’t know where we go from here.I don’t know what you want from me.”Jan ran her palms down her thighs and rose to her feet.“It would have been nice to have my friends by my side while I try to move forward with my life, but I guess we don’t always get what we want.”Drained and disappointed that this hadn’t progressed in the right direction, Jan swallowed down the emotion lodged in her throat and stepped around Finn, where she still knelt on the floor.“All I want is to be happy.To find a new normal and not sit at home existing for the sake of it.My own husband was finding the happiness I couldn’t give him with another woman, yetI’mthe one being told to hang back and decide what I want.I’ve told you what I want…and that’s Morgan.I don’t know how much clearer I can be about that.”
“Jan, please don’t go.”Gillian followed her out into the hallway.“Stay, and we’ll talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.I’m sick and tired of talking.I shouldn’t have to defend myself.”Jan’s bottom lip quivered as she stared back at Gillian.“I’m just going to head off and sort out my life.”
“Jan, I don’t want you to be alone.”
Jan lifted her handbag from the floor and opened the front door.She turned back when she stopped in the doorway, saddened that her best friend couldn’t just accept this.“I won’t be around for a while.Please don’t call me.I just want to be alone while I deal with the divorce.”Maybe Jandidneed time away from everyone.Morgan included.Only as she pondered that, she felt entirely miserable.“Tell Finn to fix her friendship with Morgan.I’ll…lay low.If she finds someone else, then I’ll make sure you and Finn are the first to say you told me so.”
Jan took the steps down to the garden path, aware that Gillian was still watching her.She didn’t know what came next, and she didn’t know where to turn, but Jan was certain that Morgan didn’t need any of this.It was unfair to expect her to put up with Gillian and Finn interfering with their relationship.
She climbed into her car and locked the doors, then rested her head back against the seat.Being with Morgan over the last couple of months had fulfilled Jan in ways she never knew possible, but she did need to step back and decide if all of this was worth putting a potential love interest through.Potential?Jan scoffed inwardly.There was nothingpotentialabout this at all.Jan knew what she wanted, she knew she would always crave to know more and do more with Morgan, but maybe she wasn’t entitled to that.Maybe only Gillian and Finn were supposed to have the happy ending.
I don’t know what I’ll do without her.Jan brushed a tear from her cheek and sighed.That applied to both MorganandGillian.They’d always come as a pair—Jan and Gillian—but Jan expected far more from her best friend.As for Morgan, well, Jan wasn’t sure she would ever find anyone quite like her again.She turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the pavement, the ache in her chest prominent.As the sun began to set in her rearview mirror, she felt the happiness of this morning fading along with it.“Go home.Lock the door.Exist.”
Chapter28
Excitedto surprise Jan at home this evening, Morgan had spent the last hour clock watching, her foot repeatedly tapping against the floor.She hadn’t heard from Jan since she’d left her place earlier today, but Morgan was taking it as a good sign.Hopefully, Jan was sitting drinking coffee with Gillian, and all of their issues were a thing of the past.Even though Morgan didn’t know Gillian as well as she would have liked to know her by now, Gillian wasn’t the kind of person to let Jan go through everything alone.It just didn’t seem possible.Jan was her best friend.They were joined at the hip.Gillianwasgoing to come through for her.Without a doubt.
Just as Morgan was dreaming about her evening with Jan, Finn came through the door.She didn’t know why she was here—Morgan had told Finn to find somewhere else to drink—but the bar was busy tonight, so she wouldn’t make a scene.Maybe she’s here because Jan and Gillian are having a heart-to-heart.As she watched Finn cross the room, Megan and Tyler came in behind her.She smiled and offered a small wave, knowing she would have to give her staff a decent summer bonus for having her back today.They’d agreed to work what was left of the evening shift and lock up once midnight came.Morgan didn’t plan to be back here before the morning, and she’d told them as much when she’d called them.
Her phone lit up on the shelf.It was Jan.
With excitement building in the pit of her stomach, Morgan grinned as she lifted her phone.If Finn had something to say, she could wait until Morgan had replied to Jan.Jan…who had no idea Morgan was cutting her shift short and heading over there.
As Morgan opened the message, her heart sank.
I’m sorry.I need space.
Morgan glared at the screen when another message came through.
None of this is about you.You’ve been amazing, Morgan.But my friendships are falling apart and I’m already picking up the fragments that I have left of my life.
Morgan did give Finn her full attention this time.She stared through her, determined not to get upset while she was standing behind her own bar.But it would be a struggle.Morgan felt the waves of emotion beginning to build within her.“What the fuck have you done?”
Finn frowned.“Excuse me?”
“You and Gillian.What the fuck have you done?”
“I, uh…what?”Finn asked as she rested her elbows on the bar.“I’ve just come in for a pint.I’m not here to fall out with you, Morgan, and I’m not here to get involved in your relationship with Jan.”
“I told you to drink elsewhere.”
“Well, yeah, but I wanted to apologise to you.”Finn held out a hand.“Truce?I don’t like fighting with people.Especially not you.”
“Nah.You can fuck off.Both of you.”Morgan took a step back and frowned.“And thanks for fucking it all up with Jan.You’ll be thrilled to know that she wants nothing to do with me anymore.”
Finn slowly lowered her hand and visibly swallowed.“What are you talking about?”
“Jan.She’s just texted me.Said she needs space and apologised.”
Finn pulled herself up onto a stool and nodded.“I mean, I can understand why she’s asked for space.She’s been through a lot, as you know.Maybe she’s realised it’s time to stop and reflect on the last couple of months.”
“She said it was because of her friendships.I’m guessing Gillian got into her head.Andyou, more than likely.”Morgan had truly believed this was going somewhere with Jan.Until Jan had gone over to see Gillian this afternoon, everything was going really well.And now, Morgan had no idea what to do.Did she still go over there?No, she couldn’t.Jan had asked for space, and Morgan had no choice but to give it.“I honestly thought you were one of my friends, Finn.”
“What?Youaremy friend.”Finn softened, but Morgan didn’t.No, she was ready to blow.“Morgan, relax.It’ll blow over.If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”
Tyler and Megan came from the room that led to the cellar and slipped past Morgan.They got chatting to customers, but they may as well not be here.Morgan was now paying them for no reason.She didn’t have anywhere she needed to be anymore.She focused back on Finn.“Enjoy your night.I’m going to bed.”
