Page 61 of Heal You
Or maybe it won’t.She smiled as Morgan came sauntering towards her.
“Cappuccino,” Morgan said as she lowered a cup to the table in front of Jan.“And a slice of lemon drizzle cake.”
Jan looked up at Morgan and regarded her with an appreciative smile.“Thank you.”
“I’m hoping it’ll put the colour back in your face.”Morgan slid a hand across the table as she sat down, only to hesitate and pull it away again.“Sorry.I forget sometimes.”
Jan took the lead and held onto Morgan’s hand before it fell away from the table.“I’m tired of hiding.If I want to sit here holding your hand, then I’ll do that.”
Morgan entwined their fingers.“I just… I think you have enough going on right now.The last thing you need is someone coming in here and seeing us together.You can do without it.”
Jan couldn’t care less who walked in here.And yes, that included Gillian or Finn.Or both.Christ, Phil and his newly formed family could walk in here, and Jan wouldn’t bat an eyelid in this moment.Morgan was her safe space, and Morgan was her future.“I appreciate what you’re saying, but I’m going to see Gillian tomorrow, anyway.She’ll know about us then.”
Morgan’s face paled suddenly.
Jan pushed the lemon drizzle towards her and smiled.“Maybe you need this more than me.”
“No, I…” Morgan fell silent and shook her head.
“You don’t want me to tell her.”It wasn’t a question; it was an observation.“Will that be a long-term thing, or…”
Morgan’s gaze shot up at Jan.“No, that’s not what I’m trying to say.Not at all.The moment I can be with you like this everywhere is a moment Icannotwait for, babe.Believe me when I say that.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m worried about you.I think you’re dealing with too much, and us being together isn’t something that needs to be discussed with anyone else right now.I’m not going anywhere; I’m perfectly happy to wait until the rest of your life has sorted itself out.So please…don’t do this because you think it’s the right thing to do or that you’ll lose me if you don’t.That’s so far from the truth.”Morgan leaned over and kissed the back of Jan’s hand as she lifted it.“Figure out the divorce and this new development first.Thenwe can focus on us.”
Jan understood what Morgan was saying, but the decision was final.She didn’t want to wait any longer to tell Gillian about Morgan.“Is it strange that I don’t really feel anything about the pregnancy?Does that make me heartless…or cold, at least?”
“No, gorgeous.It doesn’t make you either of those things.”Morgan regarded Jan with the most beautiful smile.“Idohave to admire how you’re handling everything, though.Even though I’m worried about you, you’re the strongest woman I know.”
Jan appreciated Morgan’s worry, but she was doing just fine.If, down the line, everything came crumbling down around her, she would deal with it then.But until that moment came, Jan was taking each day one step at a time…while holding onto Morgan’s hand whenever it was possible.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t wallow and cry myself to sleep at night.I promised that I would pick myself up and live my life.Sitting back while everything falls apart around me just isn’t an option.It wasneveran option.And I know people will find that hard to understand; as women, we’re used to being the emotional ones or made to feel as though the world has ended.But I’m not doing that.I don’twantto do that.”Jan placed the lemon drizzle cake between them to share.“If I had done any of that, I wouldn’t be here with you right now.I wouldn’t have shared the most wonderful memories abroad with you.You…wouldn’t exist in my world.Not in this capacity anyway.”
“That’s something positive to take out of it all, I guess.”
“It’s the most important thing to take away from it all.”God, Jan wanted to be alone with this woman.She wanted to be held on the couch, talking about everything and anything that came to mind.“You’ve been there for me from the very day everything happened.But you’ve become such a huge part of my life that I barely remember that day.It’s not something that eats away at me.Maybe that won’t always be the case, maybe I will have some almighty meltdown when I least expect it, but I have you in my life, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
“Right back at you.”Morgan’s smile lit up the entire coffee shop as she looked down at their hands.“And this is nice.This is…yeah, it feels right.”
“It’s never felt wrong with you.I don’t know why that is, but I’m grateful for you.Every single day when I wake up, I’m far more than grateful for you.”Jan wanted to finish up here and get Morgan alone.“When I’m with you, I feel things I’ve never felt before.”
Morgan gazed into Jan’s eyes.“Yeah?”
“So much, Morgan.Far too much for me to process.”
“Good feelings, though, right?”
Jan beamed a smile as she squeezed Morgan’s hand.“The very best feelings.Trust me.”
“We should eat this cake and head off.I know a few things I’d like you to be feeling in the not-too-distant future.”
Jan giggled at that, taking her bottom lip between her teeth when Morgan offered her that sexy smirk.“I can also think of one or two things that would certainly take my mind off anything I don’t want to be thinking about.”
“It’s that one particular thing, isn’t it?You know, the one with my tongue when I?—”
Jan pressed a finger to Morgan’s lips suddenly.“Don’tfinish that sentence.”She leaned over the table and kissed Morgan, then drew back and whispered, “I can’t concentrate when I think about you inside me.”
