Page 56 of Heal You
Morgan nodded, her gaze fixed on Jan.
“Then they can ask all the questions they like.Whether I answer them or not depends on me.”
Morgan reached out and cupped Jan’s cheek.“Never thought I’d find a woman like you who actuallywantsa relationship.”
“When I left my marriage, I thought that was it for me.The idea of dating was terrifying, and to be completely honest, I didn’t have any plans to do anything of the kind.The only plan I had was to sit in that hotel room and stare at the wall crying.”Jan hadn’t known what the hell was coming as she’d closed the front door to her home and turned her back on everything she’d known for the majority of her adult life.“I certainly didn’t think you’d show any kind of interest in me.”
Morgan regarded Jan with an understanding smile.“I hate knowing you’re alone at the hotel.”
“That won’t be the case for much longer.Now that I have the valuation for the house, I’m going to speak to Phil and tell him I want half sooner rather than later so I can set up a new home and a new life for myself.It’s the least he can do after what he’s put me through.”Jan really hoped Phil was on board with the idea.She didn’t want to wait until the divorce was finalised.She just wanted the cash to move on.“And providing he agrees to my terms, I’ll be back at work soon.”
“Good idea regarding the valuation.You do need somewhere to live, and you shouldn’t have to stay at a hotel until the divorce has gone through.”Morgan squeezed Jan’s hand.“And I think going back to work will give you that routine again.”
Jan grinned.“You’re just saying that so I’m not propping your bar up every afternoon.”
“Hey, I’d love nothing more than to spend my shifts with you at the bar.Don’teverthink anything else.But you need the routine.You’re far too good to sit in a bar day in, day out.Far too good.”
“No chance of a job with you then?”
Morgan leaned in and kissed Jan softly.“I wouldn’t even insult you by asking.”
When Morgan drew back and sat in her upright position again, Jan sighed and looked out of the window.It was time for people to know about the woman in her life, and if there was a backlash, then so be it.Jan couldn’t help who she was attracted to, and if everyone could understand that, all of this would be perfectly fine.
“Thank you for the most beautiful week.”Jan lay her head on Morgan’s shoulder and closed her eyes.“I hope it’s something we’ll do again in the future.”
Morgan palmed Jan’s thigh as she said, “I’m already planning the next one in my head right now.”
* * *
Feeling tornfor the first time in as long as she could remember, Morgan shoved their suitcases into the boot of Jan’s car and lingered for a moment.More than anything, she wanted to take Jan back to her flat with her, but Morgan knew it would be wise to give Jan space.Because now that they’d landed, everything became very real all over again.Hasn’t a week of uninterrupted time with her been enough for you?As Morgan stood behind Jan’s car, she knew it would never be enough.
While Morgan knew she could be open and honest with Jan, she wasn’t sure bringing it up again was a good idea.Jan knew where Morgan stood, and Morgan believed she knew where Jan stood, but in this moment, Morgan wanted more, and she wanted it right now.Not down the line, just…now.She would be miserable the moment they parted ways, and that misery wouldn’t lift until Jan was back in her arms again.That was an unusual feeling for Morgan, if she was being entirely honest.She was so used to being dropped or only having contact with women in the past when they wanted something from her that she rarely allowed herself to get emotionally involved.Amanda had been the most recent proof of exactly that.
Get out of your head and just enjoy what you can have.
Morgan cleared her throat and closed the boot.At least they had the hour-long journey home from the airport to spend together.That was better than nothing.As she climbed into the passenger seat and eyed Jan, Morgan could only smile and allow whatever she was feeling.Jan hummed along to the radio and tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, her tanned skin so soft and silky smooth.
“All done.Let’s hit the road.”Morgan clicked her seatbelt into place and sighed.“I hate coming home from a holiday.Don’t you?”
“It’s not something I’ve ever really had to worry about.As you know, holidays were few and far between for me.”Jan reversed out of her parking space and began the ten-floor descent.“But I’m not enjoying coming home from this holiday, no.”
Every time Jan spoke about her marriage and the lack of everything she deserved, Morgan found it hard to comprehend.Fuck, she would have given Jan anything she desired while they’d been on holiday together.As far as she was concerned, Phil deserved to lose this woman.He deserved to figure out a life without her.He sure as hell wouldn’t find better down the line.“Wanker.”Morgan muttered under her breath, but she felt Jan’s gaze drift towards her.“Sorry.”
Jan simply lifted a shoulder and concentrated on the road.“Maybe if he’d found the time or put in more of an effort, we wouldn’t be in the situation we’re in now.”
Did that mean Jan wished she wasn’t here in this car with Morgan?Was that a hint of hesitancy for what was coming?“I know you’ve seemed pretty adamant about what happens next, but are you one hundred percent going through with the divorce?”Morgan hoped it wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction.She couldn’t imagine seeing Jan and Phil together in the future.“No more counselling?”
“No.I’m done with him.”Jan said that so calmly that Morgan was impressed by her cool, calm demeanour.If that had been Morgan, she wouldn’t have known what to do for the best.Twenty-seven years was a long time to spend with someone.The idea of just stepping away from a relationship spanning almost three decades filled her with dread.“I feel like I don’t know him anymore.I can’t look at him unless I absolutely have to.And then when he texts me begging me to work things out with him, it only makes me loathe him more.”
“Some time apart wouldn’t work for you?”Morgan didn’t know why she was trying to push Jan towards her husband—it would mean the end of whatever was happening here—but she was of the opinion that if something was meant for her…it would be.
“I’ve spent enough time apart from him over the years because of work.This doesn’t feel much different, to be honest.”Jan eyed Morgan briefly.“Looking back, I gave him a lot of leeway because of the business, but now that you and I have been spending time with one another, I’m beginning to realise I want so much more.”
“More what?”
“Fun.Excitement.Unexpected trips away.Days when I lounge around.The opportunity to sit and enjoy reading a book.Just…more.”
Morgan reached a hand across the console and settled it on Jan’s knee.“I get that.”
