Page 55 of Heal You
Chapter22
With her handsitting securely in Morgan’s, Jan stared out of the plane window, the smile she wore unimaginably wide.She hadn’t known what would come out of this week away with Morgan, and she hadn’t strived for anything in particular, but Jan desperately hoped that this would continue back on English soil.She was done with worrying, and she was done with going back and forth in her mind.Being with Morgan had shown Jan a world she’d never thought possible.And as she sat here, surrounded by people who had no idea what she was going through, the idea of not waking up in Morgan’s arms tomorrow physically hurt her heart.
She turned to Morgan and smiled when Morgan gazed back at her.“I wish this wasn’t coming to an end.”
Morgan squeezed Jan’s hand.“The holiday is, but us… Well, I’m hoping you still see this going somewhere.”
Jan dipped her eyes briefly, mesmerised by her hand in Morgan’s.It felt freeing, and it felt right.“Doyoustill see it going somewhere?”
“I do.”Morgan lifted Jan’s hand and kissed the back of it.“I’ve had an amazing week with you, and it’s not even because I was actually abroad with someone.I’m used to travelling alone and most of the time I enjoy it.This week with you has only reminded me of the things I’ve been missing over the last several years.It’s reminded me that I want this again.Someone in my life.Someone I can sit down and watch TV with, someone I can wine and dine, someone I can feel complete with.”Morgan smiled.“It’s taken me quite some time to realise what I was missing.”
“You’ve had that before then?”Jan didn’t want to come across as shocked, but Morgan often spoke about the no-strings flings and the short-term relationships she’d had.But this time, something in Morgan’s eyes suggested she’d once had something far more serious.“A long-term relationship?”
“Just once.”Morgan laid her head back against her seat and sighed.“A long time ago.”
“Who was she?”
“Lisa,” Morgan said.“We were together for five years.She’s one of the reasons I decided to move into the flat above the bar.”
“Can I ask what happened?”Jan swallowed, noting the pain in Morgan’s voice.“Or maybe we should wait until we’re back in England.”
Morgan turned on her side as best as she could, the side of her face pressed to her seat as she gazed back at Jan.“We still have a three-hour flight ahead of us.It’ll keep us entertained if nothing else.”
Jan lifted a hand and brushed Morgan’s hair from her face.Her sun-kissed skin was even more beautiful than usual.“If you want to talk about it, okay.But if you’d rather we didn’t, don’t feel as though you have to.”
“We met when I was in my early twenties.We’d known each other for a lot longer than that, we’re from the same area, but she asked me out for a drink one night.I’d already kind of had my eye on her, so I said yes.”Morgan’s features changed ever so slightly.She seemed…distant.“We had a great relationship.Most of the time, we were inseparable.We lived together and had our finances together for a period of time…and then she dropped the bombshell that she wanted kids.She’d told me a few years before that she didn’t, and then she changed her mind.”Morgan sighed.“I never wanted kids, and I just didn’t have it in me to give her what she wanted to make her happy if it was going to make me miserable.”
“That’s fair enough.”
“She let it go for a while and then came the incessant conversations about it.The guilt-tripping.Threatening to leave me and then telling me she was staying.I didn’t know if I was coming or going most days.”
Jan could understand where Morgan was coming from.Having children didn’t define a relationship.It didn’t complete you.Unless that was what someone wanted, of course.Jan had never been fortunate enough to have children, and she’d made peace with that many years ago, but they had tried for a long time.When they found out that Jan couldn’t conceive, Phil had been wonderful about it.As time went on and life passed them by, it hadn’t seemed like such a big deal in the end.They were still happy as a unit of two.“Is that why you ended it?”
“She ended it.She came home one night and told me she’d been on a few dates with a coworker.That she wanted to make sure it would work out before she broke up with me.I believe they have three kids now.Twin boys and a girl.”
“I think it’s always important to do the right thing.If you didn’t want children, then why should you force yourself into that situation?”
“Lisa didn’t see it that way.She was under the impression thatallwomen wanted children, and it shouldn’t even be a conversation that needed to be had.”Morgan laughed at that.“I don’t know why people think everyone wants kids.It’s just not something I’ve ever imagined for myself, and when I did allow myself to think about it, all I felt was dread.”
“Do you ever wish things could have been different?”
Morgan shrugged.“No.Life is…it’s forever changing.Nobody knows what’s going to happen from one day to the next.Not really.We can try to plan and prepare for the future, but any one of us could be gone tomorrow.Lisa is happy, and since I met you…I’m also very happy.”
“I don’t know where I go from here,” Jan said, her voice low as she stroked a thumb across Morgan’s bottom lip.“I have so much to do and so many things to figure out, but I don’t want to deal with any of it.I just want to live in this bubble and hope it all works itself out.”
“Do you think you can find space for me in your life somewhere?”Morgan visibly swallowed.“Not immediately, I know you have a lot going on at home, but I don’t know…maybe down the line?When it feels right for you?”They’d already had the conversation about being together, but Jan appreciated the time and the patience Morgan had given her so far.“After being abroad with you, taking you out on dinner dates and that…I’d really love to keep doing that back at home.”
God, Jan would love nothing more than to go on a date with Morgan once they were back in England.But before she did, shehadto tell Gillian about them.It didn’t feel right to hide any longer.Jan was a grown woman, and she would make whatever decision was best for her.“I’d like that.”
“Yeah?”A lazy smile spread across Morgan’s mouth, those dark brown eyes piercing Jan’s soul.
“I’ve just spent the most incredible week away with you.I’d be out of my mind if I decided that I didn’t want to see you again.”
“And you’re prepared for whatever comes in terms of friends and family?Phil, too?”
Jan knew that Morgan was worried about Gillian and Finn’s reaction, but Jan wasn’t.Not anymore.Gillian had been through so much with her, and Jan knew that when the moment came, Gillian would be happy for her.So long as she was safe and healthy, that would be the only thing that mattered.As for everyone else…well, that was simply background noise that Jan wouldn’t pay any attention to.At least, that was the hope.
“Will you still be there at the end of the day?”
