Page 38 of Heal You
Jan smiled and lowered her eyes.“It will.I just…I can’tjustleave the country with you.People would wonder where the hell I am.”
“I mean, you can tell them whatever you like.You can go on holiday.It’s nobody else’s business but your own.”
“You’d be tired of me within a day.”
Morgan gave Jan a knowing look.“You’re not serious?”
“I am.I’m serious.”Jan looked away as she shook her head.“Phil couldn’t find the time for us to go on holiday.There must be a reason for that.”
“Whoa.No.”Morgan stopped in front of Jan and took her hands.“Whatever is going through your mind right now, forget about it.If Phil couldn’t be bothered to stop working for a week so he could take hisincrediblybeautiful wife on holiday, that’s his problem.”Morgan leaned in and captured Jan’s lips.“But I’d behonouredto have you there with me.”
“Morgan,” Jan mumbled against her lips, one hand gently pressed to her shoulder.When Morgan inched back a little, she knew she’d overstepped.
“I’m sorry.I shouldn’t have even asked.”Morgan ran a hand through her hair and sighed.“I thought it could have been nice for you to get away.To get out from under all the shit you’re dealing with.”
“Could we really do that?”Jan asked, hope—perhaps excitement—resting in those blue eyes.“Go on holiday together?”
“Of course we could.”
“It wouldn’t seem weird?”
Morgan pondered that for a moment.She didn’t believe anything between her and Jan was weird.It was hard to feel that way when she adored spending time with this woman.“Weird how?”
“Well, I’m, what, three weeks out of a marriage.”Jan scoffed.“People are going to think I’ve lost my mind when they find out about us.”
Us.Morgan wanted to smile at that, but she didn’t know what ‘us’ meant to Jan.Was it just that they were sleeping together, or did Jan really feel that connection Morgan was clinging onto?“What exactly is it that you’re worried about them finding out?”
“That I’m sleeping with and spendinga lotof time with another woman,” Jan said as she tugged on Morgan’s belt loop and pulled her between her legs.“And I wouldn’t say it’s worry that I feel.It’s more…apprehension for people’s reaction.”
“That’s completely understandable.Everything you’re feeling is valid, Jan.”Morgan had wondered on several occasions now if people would think she’d taken advantage of the situation Jan was in, but Jan had made the first move.Jan had insisted Morgan take her right back up the stairs again the moment she came undone in this bar two weeks ago.None of this could be considered as taking advantage.Not in Morgan’s eyes, anyway.“Forget about the holiday.It’s not important.But I will be thinking about you until I see you again.”Morgan brushed her knuckles along Jan’s jawline and smiled.“Every hour of the day.”
“God, I hate feeling like this.”Jan threw up her hands.“I hate not knowing what I’m doing with my life.Well, what little life I have left at the moment anyway.”
“Everything will become clear when it’s supposed to.”Morgan stepped back and gave Jan some space.The last thing she wanted was for Jan to feel suffocated.“You’ve got this, okay?”
Jan simply nodded and lifted her coffee again.Silence descended over them, just the sound of Morgan prepping for another day at the bar keeping them company in this moment.Morgan wanted to convince Jan that a trip away would be good for her, but what right did she have to do so?Morgan didn’t believe they were at that place with one another yet.They likely never would be.
You really have to stop looking so far ahead.
This woman was still married.For all Morgan knew, Jan could change her mind and decide to try again with Phil.It was easy to claim the answer was simple in the moment it was all happening, but Jan had every right to try to save her marriage.Just because she had told Morgan otherwise, it didn’t guarantee a thing.
“Life,” Jan said quietly.
Morgan’s head shot up from the sink she stood at.“I’m sorry?”
“Life.I should belivingmy life.I should be taking what I can get whenever I can get it.Isn’t that what he’s been doing?Enjoying his life…with someone else.”
Morgan didn’t know where Jan was going with this, but she would listen and be ready with a response either way.
“I’ll come with you.To Gran Canaria.If people don’t like it, I cannot change that.It’s out of my control.”
Morgan clenched her hands at her sides and out of view of Jan.If she hadn’t just done that, she would have squealed with joy.That wasn’t a good look in front of the woman she was trying to impress.“You’re serious?You’ll come with me?”
“Why not.”Jan shrugged and slid from her stool.She stepped behind the bar, approached Morgan, and pressed her to the sink.“Do you promise to look after me?”
“You know I will.”
Jan draped her arms over Morgan’s shoulders and sighed.“Then I guess I should go back to the house and pick up everything I need.”
