Page 22 of Heal You
“I hoped you didn’t, but I had to expect the possibility, you know?”Morgan cast her gaze on their hands.“I had the most amazing night with you.”
“Likewise.”
“And I don’t know.I…kinda wanna see you again whenever I can.”Morgan didn’t know why or when she had become so needy for this woman, but it was true.Jan was all she thought about lately.“If you’d like that.”
“I would like that.”
“Yeah?”Morgan’s world lit up in a multitude of colours.Jan, Gillian’s best friend, wanted to see her again?Fuck!“You…want to see me again?”
“Mmhmm.”Jan blushed as she shook her head and smiled.“I can’t believeyouwant to seemeagain.”
“You’ve got to be joking.You have met you, right?”
Jan reached around Morgan and sat a cup under the spout of the coffee machine.She pressed the button, and the beans started to grind.“I have met me.Right now, this me is a little bruised but not broken.If you can give me whatever time I need to figure everything out, then I’ll be in a much better headspace to figurethisout with you.Because I don’t know about you, but it all means something to me.”
“It means something to me, too.”
Jan took the cup and handed it to Morgan, then made her own coffee.“You felt the connection, too, right?”
Morgan lifted herself up onto the counter and gazed down at Jan.“For me, the connection is strong.”While Morgan enjoyed being with women, it wasn’t often she slept with them so quickly.Not anymore.Even Amanda hadn’t brought out the desire Morgan had last night.“If at any point it’s too much for you, please tell me.I’m already scared to say or do the wrong thing.”
“All I expect from you is to be yourself.”Jan moaned as she sipped her coffee, moving until she was standing between Morgan’s legs.“Be you, that’s all I want.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem remarkably calm for a woman who left her husband a week ago.Why amIthe one panicking?”
“I don’t know why you’re panicking.”Jan sipped her coffee again, then set it down on the counter beside Morgan.She palmed her thighs as she looked up at her, giving Morgan the perfect view of those deep blue eyes.“As for me, I don’t see the point in worrying.Yes, I left my husband a week ago, but I’m finding it hard to hold onto any sort of feeling for him given how we ended.”
Morgan reached out and held Jan’s chin.“That guy is out of his fucking mind.Trust me.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.I want to spend my morning with you if you’ll have me here.”
“YouknowI’ll have you here any time, any day.”Morgan slid from the counter and wrapped Jan up in her arms.She nuzzled into her neck and said, “By the way, you can steal my clothes any time you like, too.”
“It’s a good job you said that.I’m going to need to borrow some after my shower if I’m staying here a while longer.Hopefully, you have a spareunusedtoothbrush lying around.”
Morgan kissed Jan’s forehead and sighed.“Anything you want.”
* * *
Humming lightlyas Morgan palmed her shin, Jan rested her head back on the couch cushions, feeling surprisingly relaxed given what had happened last night.They’d spent the last hour in this position, Jan’s legs resting in Morgan’s lap, the initial tension in the air no longer threatening upheaval.Jan didn’t need that.She didn’t want it.She was fully aware of what she was doing last night, and as she lay here, her only regret was that she wasn’t still naked in bed with Morgan.
Back in the day, she’d had a healthy sex life with Phil.Healthy, just not quite as exciting as she would have liked it to be.But with work commitments and business plans often getting in the way over the last ten years or so, the sex had dwindled.So much so that Jan didn’t even bother bringing it up in conversation anymore.There had been a period of time when she would have fought for their intimacy, a time when she would have surprised Phil with something that would get his heart racing, but Jan had known it had felt more like a chore to him.He never seemed happy at the end of it.That had really become an issue over the last year or so, and now Jan knew why.It wasn’t because he had work on his mind or that he’d been at the office until a ridiculous hour.No, it was because he’d been getting what he needed from Anais.
“I miss my house,” Jan said quietly as she stared up at the ceiling.“And my garden.”
When Gillian had bought her new place, Jan was excited about its potential.It helped that Gillian had Finn—a joiner and an electrician by trade—and after seeing what Finn was capable of, she’d wanted that same expertise when she renovated her own home.Finn had truly taken her breath away with the new bespoke kitchen she’d designed and installed, but Jan hadn’t had much of a chance to enjoy it.And soon, she wouldn’t even be able to call it her kitchen.
“You know, youcantell him you want the house.”Morgan eyed Jan as she squeezed her knee.“I’m pretty sure that sort of thing would go in your favour.”
“He won’t let me stay in that house unless I agree to work on the marriage with him.He loves it just as much as I do.There’s no way I’m coming away with it.”Jan wished she could stay in the house she’d dedicated twenty-odd years to.She wished Phil would just hand over the keys and walk away.
“You don’t know that.If you get a good lawyer, they’ll fight for you.For the house.”Morgan turned on the couch a little.“You’re the one he’s fucked over, babe.”Jan’s heart fluttered at Morgan’s term of endearment.She smiled, listening to Morgan’s thoughts on this.“If you want something in particular, you tell him that.Just because he loves the house too doesn’t mean he should be entitled to a say on what happens with it.He’s the one who had the affair.Not you.”
Jan appreciated Morgan’s support on this, but she didn’t know if she had the fight or the interest when it came to splitting assets and whatnot.Emotionally, she was drained, and physically, well…she would prefer to keep her strength for whatever came after the divorce.She was really going to have to make decisions on what came next.“I know.It just seems easier to walk away with whatever he offers, I suppose.”
“Why?Why should he dictate how this is going to go?Why shouldhebe the one to pick and choose what he wants, only to leaveyouwith the scraps of whatever’s left?”Morgan frowned as she took Jan’s hand.“You don’t strike me as the kind of woman who will lie down and take this.Not at all.”
“I don’t know what comes next.”God, had itreallyonly been a week since she’d walked out on Phil?It felt that way when she was alone, but when she was with Morgan, it felt like a lifetime ago.Jan knew this was the shock talking, but in time, she would fight.She would have to if she planned to come away with anything remarkably decent.“I just feel like I need a few weeks to let it all sink in, and then I’ll start making plans and decisions.”
