Page 70 of Your Biggest Downfall
She wrapped her hands around my neck, and I was a goner, completely melting into the floor. It was the first time she’d touched me, the first time she’d reached out. I savored the warmth of her skin against mine, leaning into her touch.
“Come outside,” I whispered, dropping my forehead to hers and hesitantly wrapping my hands around her lower back. Wewere slow dancing to our own silent melody. “I brought us lunch.”
She pulled back slightly, resting the tip of her nose against mine. “I am hungry,” she murmured.
“Me too,” I replied, though I was craving much more than the food in the picnic basket.
For a moment, we stood there, and I memorized the way her skin felt beneath my hands. This was love, the kind of consuming, undeniable connection that people in rehab talked about when they described their addiction. Nova was my everything.
She pulled away, and I found myself wanting to reach back out.
“Hospital food sucks,” she said while smiling up at me. “What can I do to help?”
If I said nothing, she’d stand there uncomfortably, so I pointed to a large beach blanket in a basket by the hearth. “Can you take that and follow me out?”
She grabbed the blanket while I went to the front door for the basket. I pushed open the back door, and we walked down the steps to the beach.
After picking a spot in the shade of a tree, I asked, “How’s this?”
She laid out the blanket and smiled. “Perfect.
“What did you bring?” she asked, pointing to the basket.
I grinned and gestured for her to sit. “Well, your roommate has a thing for my friends, and they went all out making the perfect charcuterie for her. They bought tons of different meats, so I swung by their place and grabbed the extras while they were setting up the boat for Luna.”
Nova giggled. “You brought me Luna’s meaty rejects?”
I dug through the picnic basket and pulled out a few containers of cold cuts and cheeses. “Yep.”
“This is amazing,” she said, opening a few of the containers as I handed her some crackers.
I also laid out honey, jam, fruits, and chocolates, grateful for all the years I spent with my grandmother. If she taught us anything, it was how to fake being fancy, and a well-made charcuterie board was the key.
“This is so good. Damn, I wonder what she’s eating if this is the bottom of the barrel,” Nova mumbled between bites, already loading up her plate.
She didn’t hold back, eating every morsel as she piled on more and more. Watching her enjoy the food with such enthusiasm made the effort of driving to their house and packing up cold cuts more than worth it.
I watched her, completely mesmerized, as she dug into the spread. The way her eyes lit up, the small sounds of satisfaction she made—it was intoxicating. She savored every flavor, and I savored her, unable to get enough.
She wasn’t just my escape, she was the thing that made everything else fade away. She made me feel alive, and I needed her to be mine.
“Are you going to eat?” she grumbled, her mouth full of crackers.
I huffed out a chuckle. “Yeah.” I grabbed a few things and put them on a plate as we sat in silence, eating and listening to the gentle lap of the waves.
“This is a nice escape,” she said.
I looked out at the waves, then back at her. “It is.”
That was it. My moment to dive in and explain everything to her, but I didn’t even know where to start or how to begin. There was so much I wanted to say that nothing came out. Thoughts kept tumbling through my brain, but it was like I was riding on a broken elevator, and I couldn’t find the right floor.
I’m sorry for being a horrible person and taking your virginity in a bathroom. I’m sorry for doing blow on your ass. I’m sorry for even offering you the coke. I’m sorry for bringing you by the party and thinking getting you drunk might be your idea of fun. I’m sorry for not taking you home and washing you like I should have done after we had sex. I’m sorry. You deserve so much better.
“I’m so?—”
“The letter.” Nova and I started at the same time.
I shook my head. Yes. I could focus on the letter.
