Page 73 of Your Biggest Downfall
She’d done this so many times over the last few months. We’d exchanged touches and glances all the time. But this time, it charged my skin.
“My head is fucking spinning,” I grumbled.
“Do you want me to bring you to your room?” Her question was so innocent. She cared about me.
“No,” I gruffed as I tried to push off the bed, but my knees felt wobbly. The blood rushed to my head, and the world was spinning.
“I don’t think you’re second to anyone, Austin,” she said, her voice firm but soft, like she needed me to believe her. “You’re pretty fucking amazing. You’ve taught me so much about hockey—not just the game but what it means to you, how it feels to be on the ice. And it’s not just that.” Her gaze flicked to mine, her cheeks flushing. “You actually care. You ask me about my job, about my day—like you really want to know, not because you’re being polite. It means a lot.”
She hesitated, a nervous laugh bubbling up. “Honestly, I’d say you’ve probably become one of my best friends. But Luna would probably kill me for saying that because she’s my best friend—always has been. So, you’re right there,” she said, likely trying to lighten the moment.
But there it was. The words left unsaid were so loud they stung. I was second best to the one girl I thought knew me better than anyone.
“Fucking proved my point,” I shouted, slamming my hand into the nightstand.
“What?” Nova took a step back toward the door, her smile vanishing. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m fucking second string in your life too. Your best friend comes first, but me? I’m at the bottom.”
She hesitated, my words sinking in, before her shoulders slumped. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was trying to say that you mean a lot?—”
“I love you, Nova.” The words tumbled out, and the instant they did, I regretted it. I was too damn drunk.
“W—what?” she stammered, a hesitant laugh escaping her as she took another step back. “You’re just drunk.”
I shook my head.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re my friend.”
“Apparently I’m not even good at being that...”
I pushed past her, sparing her the pain of this conversation by walking away first. As I stepped out of the guestroom, I glanced back at her standing by the bed, arms crossed over her chest. I knew I could never love her the way she deserved, so I did what I thought was best and walked away.
I let her go.
30
austin
Nova’s cheeks were streaked with tears. “You remember everything? Why did you leave me on read for a year, then suddenly act like you wanted to be my friend again?”
I reached out, gently wiping her tears away, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to hold her. I pulled her into my lap and kept her close. I was an asshole—I’d never claimed to be a good guy.
After that night, I remembered what I’d confessed and realized I hadn’t been lying. I had fallen in love with Nova Thatcher. I loved the way she greeted me with ease, patience, and gentleness. I loved that she saw me for who I was. Yet, I thought it would be easier if she stayed away from me.
“The moment I ran into you that day and saw you crying, something broke inside me. I couldn’t push you away anymore. My need for you was stronger than my fear of bringing you down. It was selfish.” The reality of my actions came rushing back. “Because everything I feared I would do, I did.”
My voice cracked, and I had to turn away from Nova. I couldn’t bear to look at her, not when I was drowning in shame and regret for what I’d done. “I’m a bad person, Nova.”
“No,” she whispered, her voice gentle yet firm. “You’re not.”
I lifted up my shirt, exposing the tattoo across my chest. A constellation and a moon. I’d gotten it when I realized how fucked up I was.
“I got this after the party, when I realized how lost I was without you. I got this because I was pushing you away yet needing you nearby.”
Tears streamed down her face, and her jaw went slack. “Y—You got a tattoo for me?”
I shrugged. “Kinda.”
