Page 50 of Your Biggest Downfall
Fuck. Fuck. Nova’s words played in the back of my head. She knew this was what they were going to do. She knew because shewas damn good at her job. I would go to rehab for Nova. I would get clean and stop drinking and doing drugs because of Nova.
For Nova.
“It seems I don’t have a choice,” I finally said.
Bob turned to me. “You don’t if you want to play hockey. One more fuckup and you’re done. Your career is fucking over. The only reason we’re granting you this is because you’re our star player, but get yourself settled.” Bob stood, and his chair went flying behind him.
“See you in thirty days, Hart.” He turned to leave.
When the door shut, Coach grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “You know he doesn’t know about when you were caught last year at the bar.”
I nodded.
“I’m so fucking mad at you, Hart. Fuck this bullshit mental health.”
Iris, who was still in the room packing up her presentation, stood up. “No.” Her tone was cold and commanding, and Coach stopped to look at her.
She had her hands on the edge of the table and was leaning forward. “Addiction is a mental health illness. If Austin had cancer, you wouldn’t be chastising him like this. You will not speak to someone with an illness that way in my presence.”
The entire room fell into stunned silence. I wasn’t sure I agreed that what I had was an illness equivalent to cancer. In truth, I didn’t think I had an illness at all. I liked to drink to escape my fucked-up life, and I only did cocaine once or twice during the summer season. I didn’t think having a beer in the morning meant I was suddenly an addict. But I wasn’t about to say shit. I was doing this for Nova.
“I will not tolerate this behavior.” Iris finished packing up and then looked at me. “A car is waiting for you at the back entrance. Please finish up and meet there.”
“What about my clothes?” I asked.
“They will be sent,” Iris said and then opened the door and left.
Coach looked at me and shook his head. He and my agent stood up to leave. “Don’t fuck this up.”
I hung my head in disappointment. My agent was the one person who had believed in me when I was a kid. He helped me get drafted instead of going to college.
After everyone left, it was Ledger and me. I didn’t look at him, just stared at the table in front of me. I ran my hands through my hair and then dropped them to cover my face.
“Does Mom know?” I asked softly.
“Yes.” It was a simple response.
“And?” I pressed for more.
“And she’s sad. Disappointed that she didn’t do more for you. She blames herself.”
“It’s not her fault,” I whispered.
“I know that, but she doesn’t.” Ledger looked right at me, and it hurt. Normally I took whatever he said with a grain of salt, but his disappointment was palpable. “Listen, Austin. I love you. I love your mom. I love Evie. Equally.”
I was waiting for the but. There was always a but. “And?”
“And nothing. It’s simple. I love all three of you, and I want the best for you, but sometimes wanting the best for someone means keeping a boundary.” He gave me a pat on the back.
I lifted my head to try and understand what he was saying. It was the first time Ledger told me he loved me. I didn’t expect him to. I was eighteen when he got married to my mom. He didn’t have to love me. He chose to.
“I need you to understand, though, that I have to protect your mother and Evie. I can’t have your mom up all night crying and then staying up all day with Evie while I’m at work. She’s sick toher stomach over what happened, and I can’t have her blaming herself.”
“It wasn’t my intention?—”
Ledger held up a hand. “I know it wasn’t your intention, but you can’t be around us while you’re high. You can’t be around us while you’re partying. We cannot be associated with this lifestyle.”
I scoffed. “So you’re cutting me off?”
