Page 66 of Ashes of Us
“Yeah, I came to the same conclusion at some point this morning. I'm just not sure how to start the conversation.”
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They spent some time developing talking points and figuring out when and where to have the conversation. Danica suggested that they take the next day and do something alone together. “I'm sure Alex and I can keep ourselves entertained for a few hours.” She assured her when Emilia hesitated.
“I'll see if I can get him to agree.” She nodded and started to reapply sunscreen as a sly grin crossed her face. “And how, exactly, are you and Alex going to entertain yourselves?” Her voice was teasing, and Danica gave her an exasperated look.
“Probably rent some paddleboards or a canoe for the afternoon.” She decided the best way to answer was to keep things matter of fact and to the point as she took the sunscreen from Emilia and started to reapply, not wanting to encourage the direction of her very obvious thoughts.
“Oh, come on, you have to give me something here!” Emilia shoved her shoulder and laughed. “You can't tell me you two aren't sleeping together!”
Danica stared at her in shock, unable to believe Emilia thought she would get with someone so soon after Jasper died.“I can, actually. Alex and I are just friends, Em. I buried my husband six weeks ago, I'm not ready for a relationship.”
“Yeah, and?” Emilia raised her eyebrow and grinned at her. “You and Jasper weren't exactly behaving like husband and wife for what? Almost three months before he died? So, it's actually been about six months since you got any action.”
Danica frowned, not liking what she was implying. “You think I'm screwing Alex because I haven't had sex in a while?”
“No.” Emilia sighed, seeming to pick up that Danica didn't appreciate what she was saying. “You're not the type, and to be really honest, Alex doesn't seem like the type either. But!” She leaned in and gave Danica a knowing look. “You are more relaxed and happier with Alex than you ever were with Jasper. And that's not me knocking him. Jasper was a great guy, and there was never any doubt that you two loved one another. All I'm saying is when Alex walks into the room, you can literally see the tension melt out of you, and you smile more when he's around.”
Danica chewed on the side of her upper lip, not wanting to admit that Emilia was right, but also knowing she would see right through any attempt to deny what she was saying. “Yeah, well, if I do relax when Alex walks into the room, it's because he's so in control of things that I know I don't have to worry.” She stretched and changed position, flipping over onto her stomach to start tanning her back. “Jasper was so scattered, unfocused and all over the place all the time, it was exhausting. I felt like I could never relax, I always had to be in control and on top of things, because if I wasn't, then the bills wouldn't be paid, or something important would go missing or be forgotten. I don't have to worry about that with Alex.”
She propped her chin up on her arms and watched the ocean waves roll in for a minute, thinking about all thedifferences between Jasper and Alex. “He listens to what I say and pays attention to me. Jasper would say he was listening, but then he would interrupt and start talking about something I reminded him of, even though it usually had nothing to do with anything and by the time he'd finished telling me what he had to say, he wouldn't have a clue about the original conversation.” She tilted her head and looked over at Emilia. “Do you think Jasper would have found me a new place to live and organized things with you, Xavier and Maverick to get me in there after one conversation where it was mentioned briefly in passing that I thought I was going to have to sell the house because it was too hard for me to be there?”
Emilia shook her head, watching her with the same sad expression she had when she told Danica about Xavier, and Danica looked back at the waves. “I know it was Jasper's ADHD, I know he couldn't help it, but a lot of the time I felt more like a mother than a wife and I was definitely getting resentful about it.” Her voice was soft, and she felt and heard Emilia shift a little closer to her on the blanket. “I lied about the whole inheritance and trust thing, you know. Alex didn't have a financial advisor in the office with us when he gave it to me. He warned me that in Massachusetts, inheritances were considered marital property, and if I left Jasper, he would be entitled to half. That didn't bother me so much, at the time I didn't see us splitting up, but I knew if I didn't do something to protect that money, Jasper would have spent it all by Christmas.”
She took a deep breath and let out a sad laugh. “That was the first time I went to Alex for advice. I asked him to put the money in a trust that paid out a certain amount every month, so I could claim it was what Alexander wanted and avoid answering questions. He said he would if I really wanted him to but told me the will was public record, and Jasper could look it up. Hethen suggested the financial advisor story so I could make it sound like I was setting us up for the future instead of keeping the money away from Jasper and said he would back me up if it came down to it.”
“So, he had your back before you guys were even friends.” Emilia reached out and lightly rubbed her shoulder. “I get it, Danica, and I don't blame you for lying about why you chose a trust. I would have done the same thing in your position. And, like I said, I'm not trying to diminish your marriage, I just think you're more compatible with Alex than you ever were with Jasper. You guys have a lot of the same values and beliefs about most things, and while I absolutely do agree that Jasper loved you, I'm not so sure he respected you as much as he should have as his wife and as a person. But Alex? He respects the hell out of you.”
Chapter Fifty-Two: Bullseye
After getting a text from Xavier saying he and Alex were about an hour out, Danica and Emilia went back to the campsite and made tacos for dinner, just finishing up when they heard the motorcycles coming up the road to their site. While they ate, Alex and Xavier told them about their ride and showed them some of the pictures they took and asked what Danica and Emilia did while they were gone. They sat around the campfire and talked for a while before they headed to bed early. Alex and Xavier were exhausted after their eight-hour ride, and Danica and Emilia were completely done in by a full day in the sun and their emotional conversations.
Danica climbed into her sleeping bag and watched as Alex did the same across from her, not bothering with the curtain just yet. Alex noticed that she wanted to talk and raised his eyebrow as he settled in, facing her as he turned off their battery-operated lamp and waited for her to start speaking. She very quickly and quietly filled him in on what Emilia had told her, and when she finished, she heard him shift and roll over in the dark.
“Yeah, that matches what I was able to get out of Xavier, which was like pulling teeth by the way.” She could hear the faint annoyance in his voice and knew he didn't like feeling like hewas prying into people's relationships. “But yeah, he was getting frustrated and insecure about being rejected all the time, spoke to some family members, and they all told him it was the same for them, after the third or fourth kid, their wives just stopped wanting sex or affection. He thought it was normal and stopped chasing her. He still adores her, so he didn't want to leave; he just decided to take what he could get and adjusted. But as a side note, what the hell is up with this family having so many kids? The way Xavier was talking, it's perfectly normal for them to have five or six at minimum.”
Danica let out a soft giggle. It was a question she had asked more than once and had made it very clear to Jasper when they decided to start trying to have kids that she was willing to have two, and that was it. “I don't know what's up with them, but yes, almost all of Jasper's cousins have at least three, and in most cases, it's more. The whole clan is huge in general. Jasper's parents are the only ones of their generation to have only one child, and that's because Amy almost died giving birth to Jasper, and it was very unlikely she would survive pregnancy a second time. Xavier is one of six, Jimmy is one of eight... It's ridiculous and a little cult like now that I think about it.”
“Cult-like?” Alex's voice was curious, and she heard him shift again. “What do you mean, cult-like?”
“Well, once you marry into the Preston family, youarea Preston. Your previous life and family cease to exist. It's ended a few relationships,” She explained, and she was only half joking. She knew lots of the people who married into the family struggled to adjust to the near constant family get-togethers, which made carving out time for their family of origin nearly impossible. “Hell, I'm an orphan, and they still had issues with me spending time with your family.”
“They probably thought you would be an easy one to fold into the flock,” Alex grumbled. “Sounds awful in my opinion.”
“Yeah, but for a girl who grew up in a home where it was made clear to me that I was not part of the family from the very beginning, not by the people who were fostering me, but by their extended families, which meant I was often ignored or left out of things at family get-togethers and was expected to suck it up and not make a fuss about it, it was nice to be accepted and included in everything, even if it was occasionally annoying.” She admitted quietly, then remembered that hadn't been true for Geri, Frannie and Amy. “Included and accepted by most of them, anyway.”
“My parents considered you family.” Alex reminded her, his voice taking on the tone it always did when she talked about her foster family, this time with some faint bitterness. “I'd even argue they considered you more their family than me and Craig at the end.”
“I don't think that's true,” Danica frowned. “I mean, yes, I was closer to them at the end, but I think that was because I was here, not that it was your fault that you weren't, I just had the privilege of not being raised by them so there wasn't any of the issues with me that had developed between the four of you.”
“I'm not blaming you, Dani,” She heard him sigh and picked up on a hint of remorse. “I know you were innocent in all of it, it's just frustrating because I feel like I was pushed out against my will. Dad and I were so close while I was growing up, and the minute he shipped me to London, it was like he forgot I was his son.” Another sigh, and then he continued before she could form a response. “Anyway, we got off track. Xavier is willing to talk and listen to Emilia, but he refuses to be the one to start the conversation.” His redirection back to their original conversation and tone of voice made it clear he didn't want totalk about his relationship with his parent’s anymore, something Danica was happy to indulge.
“Emilia and I figured out a plan for that. You up for spending tomorrow afternoon with just me?” Despite all the time she and Alex had spent alone together over the last six weeks, she suddenly found herself nervous that he would say no.
“I can think of worse people to spend an afternoon with.” There was a faint hint of laughter in his voice, and Danica let out an exaggerated huff of indignation as she threw her pillow at the faint silhouette of Alex's head, making him chuckle when it made contact. “I guess you don't need this anymore?”
“No, I do, give it back.” She pouted slightly, realizing she may have made a mistake. She had a feeling he wasn't going to give it up without a fight.
