Page 13 of Ashes of Us
“Why would they throw you out?” Alex asked as he scrolled. Danica could see he was looking for open restaurants and let out a sigh.
“Because I'm about to deliver the news that their only son is in the hospital, brain dead, and I have to pull the plug?” She reminded him. “They will either try to keep me here to convince me not to do it or throw me out for saying it.”
“So don't mention pulling the plug.” Alex put his phone down and shrugged, as if what he was saying was the obvious choice. “Just stick to the facts. He was in a car accident and is now in the hospital. The hospital is keeping him alive so family and friends can come say goodbye, but there's no hope of recovery.” He shot her a look and shook his head. “You need to learn the art of giving just enough information that you're notquestioned on it. You either refuse to give up anything or you're bluntly honest, and there's no in-between. You don't have to tell them it's your decision on when or if they pull the plug, just that it's going to happen.”
“You do realize omitting information is lying, right?” Danica knew she was stalling the inevitable, but she also wanted to follow his advice without feeling guilty.
“He's your husband, Danica. Yes, he's their son, and they deserve the truth, but they don't need all the specifics. Did they know all the specifics about your marriage?” He asked evenly before continuing with a raised eyebrow. “Of course they didn't, unless your husband was open with them in a way I'm positive would have pissed you off.” Danica let out the breath she had been holding as she slowly shook her head. “Exactly. You're allowed to withhold information that pertains to your marriage and your relationship with him because it's none of their business. The fact that he just had you as his next of kin and not his parents says he understood that. Besides,” Alex leaned back in his seat and regarded her with a mixture of pity and distaste. “While I disagree with what the doctor said to you, especially with how he said it and his timing, he was right, you're paying to keep his body alive, nothim.And unless his parents are going to step up and take over the bills, they don't have a say here.”
Danica let out a dry laugh and shook her head as she opened the door. He had made several excellent points, especially about the hospital bills. Even with the money that was sitting in the trust, she couldn't afford to keep Jasper's body alive on the nonexistent chance that he would miraculously recover, and neither could his parents. “You are the absolute last person I would have thought would be here with me while I'm going through this,” she told him as she slid out of the Jeep. “But I'm honestly not mad about it.” His detachment from her marriage,husband and the emotion surrounding it all was surprisingly helpful. She caught a quick glimpse of his surprised grin as she shut the door, and for a brief moment, felt like everything was fine.
The feeling went away immediately as she faced the house. Swallowing, she walked up the steps and, as Alex began backing out of the driveway, rang the doorbell. She watched apprehensively as he drove down the street a little and then stopped, obviously waiting to see if someone opened the door for her. She waited a few minutes, then rang the bell again, and this time, the hall light went on inside, so she knew someone was coming. She could vaguely make out Cecil pulling his robe on as he came around the corner and stepped into the main entranceway. When the porch light went on, she heard Alex's Jeep pull away and instantly felt her anxiety rise. She was going to have to be careful, she reminded herself as she willed her heart to slow down; she couldn't start relying on Alex, no matter how easy he seemed to be trying to make it.
“Danica?” Cecil's voice broke her from her thoughts, and she looked up at her father-in-law, doing her best not to break down into tears as his worried face filled her vision. “What happened? Where's Jasper? I thought you were in Texas until Friday?”
“I got called back, Jasper...” Her voice broke, and she cleared her throat, trying desperately to hold it together. “Can I come in?” She didn't want to tell him on his front porch. He stepped back, his face betraying that he had a feeling about what she was about to say. “Where's Amy?”
“Asleep.” He shut the door behind her and gestured for her to follow him to the kitchen. “Her allergy meds knock her out cold.” He turned on the light and went to the stove, picked up the kettle and turned to the sink to fill it. “What happened?”
Danica fidgeted as she sat at the kitchen table. “Maybe we should wake up Amy.” She didn't want to have to explain twice, and she didn't want to leave Cecil to tell her alone, but Cecil shook his head as he shut off the water and returned the kettle to the stove.
“I know something is wrong.” He flicked on the stove and turned to face her, looking faintly annoyed. “He's been sending us to voicemail all day after showing up here yesterday in a panic. All he kept saying was he fucked up and you were going to leave him before his mother pulled him inside to calm him down. He took off again without giving me any more explanation, and Amy refused to say what he told her. So just tell me what he's done, and we'll go from there.”
Danica felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. He'd actually cheated on her. There was no other explanation for any of that. Whether or not he was the father of the woman's child was up in the air, but he had obviously thought he was and came to get advice from his mom about what to do. She looked around the room wildly as she struggled to breathe, debating on just running from the house, but then felt Cecil's warm, rough hands holding hers and looked down at the permanently grease stained fingers for moment before looking into his somber brown eyes, the same shade of brown as his son's, which help ground her. Whatever happened with Jasper and the woman was going to have to take a backseat right now.
“Jasper was in a car accident last night.” She said softly, gripping his hands tightly. “He is medically deceased, but they're keeping his heart beating until everyone has a chance to say goodbye.” Whatever Cecil had expected, she knew it wasn't that, and she felt his grip on her hands slacken and watched as the blood drained away from his face.
“Oh,” was all he managed before he completely broke down. Danica slipped out of her chair and knelt beside his, hugging him as he turned and cried on her shoulder. They were only in that position for a few seconds when the whistle on the kettle went off, and she reluctantly let him go to get to her feet and take it off the burner. By the time she turned back around, Cecil had turned off his tears like a tap and was staring at the tabletop like he hoped it would give him answers. “How long do...” He shook his head helplessly. “Do we have to say goodbye?”
Danica hesitated as she sat back down and took his hand again, not sure what to say. The doctor said there was no timeline, and Alex insisted she do this within her timeframe, but she didn't want to drag this out. Jasper's family was huge, spread all over New England and would all expect to be allowed to see him in the hospital, even the ones who hadn't seen or spoken to him since he and Danica had gotten married, not because of any falling outs, just because of life taking different directions. They were very much the type of family that came together for weddings and funerals and shared others' grief and joy as if it were their own.
“A week at the most,” she decided after some very quick soul-searching. She didn't think she could handle having to meet and greet everyone any longer than that while planning a wake and a funeral and trying to navigate between her grief and the sense of betrayal she was currently pushing down. Cecil nodded and took a deep breath, glanced down the hall through the kitchen archway, and then looked back at her.
“You should probably go home and get some rest.” He patted her hand gently as he stood up. “No offence, but you like hell warmed over.”
Danica looked at him in surprise. “I should be here when you tell Amy,” she said quietly. “I should be the one to tell her.” But Cecil shook his head, giving her a wan smile.
“No. You don't need to witness that.” He said firmly, looking down the hallway again as he took her hand and tugged her up from the chair. “Trust me, Danica, it's better if it comes from me and me alone,” he began, ushering her toward the door before she could protest, her surprise at his sudden change in demeanour rendering her speechless. She felt like there was more to him wanting her to leave then just sparing her the sight of Amy's reaction and she couldn't help the wave of hurt that washed over her, feeling like she was being symbolically pushed out of the family and not allowed to be part of the grief and healing process. “Just go home and get some rest. I'll be in touch with you tomorrow to start arranging visitors.” He gave her a quick, tight hug at the door before opening it. Danica stepped outside and saw Alex's Jeep parked down the street again. Feeling more than a little relieved, she turned back to Cecil just in time for him to close the door.
She stood frozen for a moment before the porch light shut off, and then carefully made her way down the stairs and toward the Jeep. She had just gotten to the end of the driveway when the most anguished scream she'd ever heard in her entire life reached her, and she understood immediately why Cecil had wanted her to leave so abruptly. He must have heard something that alerted him to the fact that his wife was awake and ushered her out so he could tell her privately. She started to turn back to the house, wanting to help, but the screams of “No!” continued, and when the next-door neighbours' lights flicked on, she hurried to the safety of the Jeep, trusting Cecil could handle it and would be in touch if he needed her.
Chapter Twelve: Some Insight
When she was aboard the Jeep, Danica leaned back and closed her eyes, wishing she had never heard Amy's screams because she didn't think she would ever be able to forget them. She could sense Alex was looking at her, but she didn't know what to say. After a moment, he laid a bag in her lap, and the familiar scent of a Subway veggie sandwich reached her nose. There was a Subway near her house, and she often picked up lunch there on her way to work, but she didn't think Alex had paid so much attention to what she ate that he knew she always got the veggie sub. She wasn't sure if she could stomach food at the moment, but she murmured her thanks with sincere gratitude as he pulled away from the curb and started the drive back to Boston.
“Are you okay?” Alex's voice was hesitant, and she barely heard him over the radio's low volume. “It kind of looked like you got kicked out.”
“I kind of did.” She admitted. “But it was because Jasper's father didn't want me there when he told his mother, and she was waking up.”
“Ah.” He didn't comment, but she could see he wasn't sure what to make of that. “So where did you want to go?” Heasked after a moment. “Home?” Danica's heart leapt into her throat. Did she want to go home? See what kind of mess Jasper had left behind with her gone for two weeks? Sleep where she could smell him? Yes and no. She did because she wanted to hold onto those last few moments of her husband's life, and no, because she didn't know if she could handle being there by herself. But where else was she supposed to go? Emilia was close by, but she didn't have any extra room in her place, plus her kids were out of school for the summer now, and while she adored them, the older two, Benny, who was eight, and Delilah, who was six, were a lot to handle. The youngest, Gracie, who was four, hadn't been officially diagnosed with anything. However, she still hadn't spoken a word and clung to her parents exclusively, panicking when they were both out of her sight, which demanded a lot of Emilia's and her husband, Xavier's, time and energy. While they did their best, the older two would often latch onto anyone who paid attention to them.
Normally, that wouldn't be a problem for Danica; she and Jasper occasionally took Delilah and Benny for an afternoon or overnight, joking it was practice for when they had kids, but she didn't want to have to deal with all that right now. “Dani?” Alex's voice cut through her thoughts, and she jumped a little, realizing she had zoned out completely and never answered him. “I could take you to the hotel if you'd rather not go home.”
“No,” Danica said firmly. She absolutely did not want to go to the hotel; she wasn't ready to answer those questions or have her co-workers give her pitying looks. “Take me home, please.” she decided she wanted to be alone with her memories for one more night and forget about all the bad. Jasper was gone, and even if he had cheated on her and gotten the other woman pregnant, the baby no longer existed, and she could pretend it never happened until she was ready to confront it. Alex justnodded and left her alone with her thoughts for the rest of the drive. She was surprised when they pulled into her driveway, since he never asked her for directions, but figured he must have seen her address on her employee file at some point.
“Are you sure you want to stay here?” Alex asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “If you don't want to go to the Rose Gold, I can take you to another hotel.”
“No, I'll be fine.” She reassured him as she got out. She heard him sigh, but he also got out and went to open the back of the jeep for her so she could get her suitcase. She took it from him, and they stood awkwardly in silence for a moment, then she cleared her throat. “Thank you.” She gave him a small smile, trying to convey just how much she appreciated everything he had done for her since finding out. “I'm gonna need a couple of days off.”
