Page 24 of Love Triangle
“It’s okay. I don’t think you could help it. It’s just more proof that we’re on the right track.” This time, I’m the one that takes his hand in mine. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”
“I don’t know either. This isn’t something that one can really research, I suppose.”
“No, not really.” I laugh. “I do think we’ll all have to get together and talk about it though. We’ll figure this out together.”
“Absolutely not.” Cliff yanks his hand from mine. “I will have nothing of our relationshiptogetherwith Trig. Things are to be kept separate.”
I bristle at his sudden harsh tone. “Well, Cliff, if this was a normal situation I’d agree, but it isn’t. I think it’s pretty clear we have to work together.”
“I said no.” Cliff stands, straightening the cuffs of his sweater. “You have no idea what you ask of me.”
“This is my life and you’re more concerned that he played a game over a decade ago. That seems-“
“You think this is because of the game? I suppose you would. That’s what he thinks.” Cliff flops back down to the sofa and pinches the bridge of his nose. “But no, that was only the last straw for me.”
I slip into the spot next to him and tentatively lay my head on his shoulder. “Tell me what happened. It seems like you need to talk about it.”
“Perhaps I do. I never really have, after all.” Cliff wraps an arm around me and pulls me close. “Alright. It started when we were kids.”
Chapter Twenty-Three – Cliff
We were close the moment we became friends. We did everything together for years. But Trig wanted to be physically close as well, despite my aversion to touch as a young child. He’d run up to me and ruin a project I was working on when he should have kept back, or he’d invite me to sleep over before he’d finished cleaning his room despite knowing how much it bothered me to be in a messy house. It drove me nearly insane and only made me want to be farther away from him.
But when he was troubled and wanted to be held, such as when he woke from a nightmare, I couldn’t turn him away. Because he would never turn me away when I was upset or in trouble. So eventually, I became used to his touch. Eventually, I even craved it despite my dislike of it.
As we got older, those cravings were for a different, more intimate sort of touch.
Trig was popular. Handsome, friendly, intelligent, kind. He fit in everywhere and never had a problem finding a date. I was…awkward. Girls would mostly date me to get close to Trig or to hang out with their friends on double dates with us. It wasn’t a big deal to me really, I had no interest in anyone that way. Well, anyone other than Trig, even though he didn’t know it.
When senior prom came around, I finally decided I was going to tell him the true extent of my feelings for him. We were sitting in his room, the one I’d just spent all afternoon cleaning yet again, discussing this and that’s when I just decided to go for it.
“Would you go to the prom with me?” I forced out.
“Yeah, duh. We need dates though.” He tossed a baseball up and caught it over and over, a thoughtful look on his face, as I sat there confused. “Who should we ask?”
“We could just go together, is what I meant. You and me. As dates.” My throat felt like it was closing by the time I finished that statement, but it was done, finally.
Trig paused and looked over at me before replying, “Nah, they wouldn’t let us in, you have to have real dates. All the teachers already know we’re just friends, we can’t trick ‘em.” He went back to tossing the ball. “Maybe we should ask Amanda and Maria. We had fun with them the other night, right?”
My heart was crushed. I was so far out of his idea of a romantic partner that he couldn’t even consider I would ask him out. Not even when I made the words as clear as anyone could. That nearly destroyed my confidence in dating for years. Once I got it back, I decided to keep any whisper of my love life away from Trig to protect my own heart.
There was no more double dating. I sought out my own comforts but found I had difficulty in any sort of relationship where I felt…vulnerable. I didn’t want to be hurt again, and touch was complicated for me. It still is. When a short-term lover introduced me to a different type of relationship dynamic, it finally helped me take my mind off of the hurt of Trig’s dismissal.
But anyway, after that crushing blow, I decided not to let him take advantage of me; not to let him push my boundaries anymore. If his room was a mess, I simply left and told him to call me when it was clean. If he destroyed something I worked on, I made him compensate me for the repairs. Once I started doing that, I began to realize how often he was absolutely fucking up everything, expecting too much from me.
Yet, I still gave him everything when he needed it. When he climbed into my window, heartbroken, one night after Amanda dumped him, and he wanted to sleep next to me, I let him. When his dog died and he wanted to hold me for hours and cry, I let him. When he wanted to go to the same college and move in together, so we didn’t have to be apart, I went along with it. I had no control when it came to him.
Finally I decided I wanted to break away, I wanted to live for myself. Not for my parents, not for Trig, for myself. I had rushed through school and gotten my degrees faster than anyone thought possible of me. I was going to get my dream career, make a new life. Have some fucking control for once. And he wrecked it. He ruined it.
It’s not about the one time. It’s about everything. I loved him. I did everything for him. And he couldn’t give me one thing for myself.
Chapter Twenty-Four – Crystal
“So, you see why I don’t want to share a love life with Trig. Not after the hurt. Not after the heartbreak.” Cliff presses his head against mine. “But I’ll do it for you. You don’t deserve to be under a curse just because I can’t get over something that happened when I was just a boy.”
We sit quietly for a moment and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the weight of his admission. It must have been very difficult for him to open up like that to me. I’ve never been in his shoes and don’t even know where to begin to help him heal. But I do want to help him. If things work out the way I think they could, then we’ll have time to work on things together.
“Oh, hon. I can see why you’d be hurting. Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m honored to know that you trust me with your feelings. Knowing you’re going to work through all of that history to help me with my curse means so much. Cliff, I promise things will be okay. You’re such a sweetie.” I can’t help but squeeze him tight.
