Page 15 of Resistance Training
How do you rate your sleep quality on a scale of 1 to 10?I don’t.
How many hours did you sleep last night?Not as many as the night before.
How do you rate your stress level on a scale of 1 to 10?Top-tier stress level.
How do you rate your confidence level on a scale of 1 to 10?Yes.
How do you rate your sense of well-being on a scale of 1 to 10?I don’t understand this question.
I stare up at her.
She is grinning at me. So smug. This won’t do. This dynamic will not do. “How do you rate my answers, sir?”
“1.2748. Do you not want to do this? Because I have a very long waiting list for one-on-one sessions. I did your sister a favor, but if you aren’t going to take this seriously?—”
“I want to do this, Brad—Mitch. Sir. I’m just not sure what this is.”
“This is a personal fitness-training session. That’s all it is. That’s all it’s ever going to be. You’re meant to be here so I can help you reach your fitness goals. What are your fitness goals?”
“Well…I do want to be more active and to feel better about…things. But I don’t want to lose my very attractive womanly curves.”
Thank God. I am silently awarding myself the Best Actor Oscar for my face’s performance while she watches me for a reaction. The short film that will be adapted from this interaction will be calledI Hadn’t Noticed Your Very Attractive Womanly Curves, Vivian, and I Don’t Have the Urge To High-Five You or Yell Out “Fuck Yeah!” At All, but I Can Do My Job and Help You Reach That Goal If That’s What You Want.“Roger that. We can focus on routines that will give you a toned hourglass body type.”
“That’s a thing? There really are workouts for that?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Great! Let’s work on my booty.”
Yesssssss. But no.“You got it. There will be minimal cardio.”
“Sounds amazing.”
“And a lot of strength and resistance training.”
“ThatI am less enthusiastic about. Definea lot.”
“Slightly to a good deal more than you’ll feel comfortable with. That’s how we get gains. Through systemic progressive overload. We’ll build your shoulders and glutes while getting your core tight and strong. Think about creating contrast—wider shoulders, curvier hips, defined waist. It’s all about proportions and muscle building. It is very important to combine these workouts with a daily increase in protein. There’s an app I can recommend.”
The most gorgeous, outrageous smile spreads across her face. “Remember when we went to the Outback Steakhouse in Bellevue and ateallthe appetizers?”
God dammit. I do remember that. That was a fun day. They were all fun days with Vivian, until that one day.
“The app I’m referring to will track your macronutrients and caloric intake.”
“No, thank you. I don’t want that.”
“Nutritional coaching is an important part of the personal training I offer. A restrictive diet is not required?—”
“Good, because I recently got out of a relationship with a man who was very controlling and one of the things I let him control was my diet. I vowed never to allow anyone to control me in such a way again.”
Shit.
What a dick.
What a fucking idiot.
“I hear you,” I tell her. “I’m sorry if that was a traumatic experience for you.”
