Page 37 of Resistance Training
“Don’t mess with me—tell me!”
“Youtell me! How did you know? How long have you known? Why couldn’t you give me some warning—oh my God, I was wearing neon Target gym clothes, Aubrey! Neon! How did you find him?”
“Oh, pffft. You know.” She waves her hand dismissively and starts pedaling faster. “I low-key hired a private investigator.”
“What?”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You hired a detective?”
“It’s seriously not that big of a deal. People do it all the time.”
“People Google people all the time. I’m pretty sure they don’t hire PIs all the time. Oh my God, you’re so intense. When did you do this?”
“After the second time I came to visit you, after Jeremy left and you…began your love affair with yourself. You were so depressed, Vivi, and I hadn’t seen you like that since Brad ghosted you. I just didn’t think you cared that much about Jeremy, so I figured it was more about Brad. And I’ve just always felt so guilty about insisting you should go to prom with Hot Brad. It was not my finest big-sister moment.”
“Well. First of all, Brad Mitchell is the Hot Brad now.”
“Oh, I know.”
“And I still don’t think he’d forgive me for going to prom with Other Brad just because you insisted.”
“Wait, he’s still mad at you?”
“Big time.”
“So he wasn’t nice to you?”
“Enh. He was not warm. He was kind of a dick sometimes, actually. But he was professional.”
“What an asshole. He gave me no indication that he’s still mad at you—I’m so sorry. I will get him to give me a refund. You don’t have to keep going.”
“No! I’ll work on him.”
“Oh,really?”
“I mean, he’s actually a good trainer, I think. But he seems to have built his new life around his anger. You should see this journal he gives his clients. It’s like he’s weaponized his backstory.”
“Mmmm.”
“And bybackstoryI am not only referring to his butt.”
“Well. I am a soon-to-be happily married lady, however I did notice his excellent gluteal situation in various Instagram posts that I only looked at because I was tracking him down for you.”
“So thorough. Anyway, I don’t think it’s just me he’s mad at.”
“It better not be. I’m serious—if you don’t like the way he’s treating you, we end this. Right?”
“Of course. Yes. I just want to prove to him that I’m awesome and he shouldn’t be mad at me, and if I happen to get hotter and hotter while working out with him, then where’s the damage? Right? And if me getting hotter causes him to suffer, then that would be amazing and I still get to take the high road.”
She stops pedaling and guzzles from her enormous water bottle and then says, “Okay. I like this for you. I really am a genius for making this happen even if he’s being an asshat.”
“Thank you for doing this. Really. This was top-shelf big-sistering.”
“I really hope he realizes how awesome you are.”
“He never read all those emails I sent him. Can you believe it?”
