Page 27 of A Very Snowed In New Year
Too harsh?
HoldUp.76: Sorry. That was dickish. I’m glad you found a script you like. That must be a nice feeling.
ShayAnything.83: Almost as nice as that first long awaited sip of eggnog each December…
HoldUp.76: LOL. I have to say I appreciate that you haven’t screamed at me like most girls do when I mention hating romantic comedies.
ShayAnything.83: Well, I’m not most girls, Holden.
ShayAnything.83: And maybe you just haven’t seen or read the right romantic comedy yet. I have faith.
HoldUp.76: Faith is an awfully important thing to waste on romantic comedies.
ShayAnything.83: LOL You do realize that sentence you just wrote sounds like the first line of voiceover from a Hugh Grant rom-com?
HoldUp.76: Just don’t expect me to do stupid disco moves down a flight of stairs. I am way too good a dancer.
ShayAnything.83: Sounds like you’re pretty intimate with Love Actually for someone who claims to hate romantic comedies, Holden.
HoldUp.76: I think it’s important to be accurate and articulate about the things I despise. But to be clear—I hate romantic comedies. They’re so predictable.
ShayAnything.83: Yes. The endings are predictable. And it’s not a real rom-com if it doesn’t have an HEA.
ShayAnything.83: HEA=Happily-Ever-After btw, not Holden Everett Archer.
HoldUp.76: You know my middle name?
ShayAnything.83: Um. I think everyone does.
ShayAnything.83: Anyway. All genres have a structure. People call it a formula for rom-coms, which I happen to think is demeaning, but it’s no different from horror movies or thrillers or family comedies. They all have formulas. It’s about being surprised by the journey. We all want the ending we’re expecting, or we wouldn’t start watching the movie or reading the bookin the first place. It’s the way storytellers surprise us while keeping us comfortable that makes it fun and wonderful. In any genre, but especially romance. In rom-coms it’s really about the moments. The meet-cutes and missed connections and first sightings and magical first kisses. There are ridiculous coincidences that happen in romantic comedies that I will somehow accept as long as the score is bouncy or swoony enough and the actors are believable. If enough moments make you feel the way you want to feel when you decide to watch a rom-com, then you just ignore the stuff you don’t like. Like evil ass-grabbing presidents.
HoldUp.76: You’re making a lot of sense, Shay. I do like The Princess Bride, FYI. And Tootsie.
ShayAnything.83: I am not exaggerating when I say that I would block you if you didn’t. FYI I’m waiting in line for something. In Sedona, I mean. So I might not be able to get back to you for a while.
HoldUp.76: No worries. And I did like Say Anything, although it’s more of a teen movie than a rom-com.
ShayAnything.83: Agreed. I bet you liked Before Sunrise.
HoldUp.76: I like Julie Delpy and I loved the idea of that movie, sure. But it was definitely not a romantic comedy.
ShayAnything.83: You’re right. But it made you believe they were in love and it made you want to fall in love with a beautiful stranger, didn’t it?
HoldUp.76: For sure.
HoldUp.76: So, you like surprises, huh?
ShayAnything.83: LOL as long as they’re within the bounds of something comforting and familiar, yes.
HoldUp.76: Good to know.
“Who are you texting?” Rory asks with the suspicious tone of a little sister who has never once liked one of my girlfriends.
“Finally,” I say as I close the app, slide the phone into my pocket, and pretend I didn’t hear her question. “Was there a line or something?”
“Yes. And I had to reapply my lip gloss and fix my hair and stuff. Why didn’t you tell me my hair was so wonky?!”
She’s fourteen now. I can’t believe she’s fourteen. She’s all bundled up in a coat and scarf now, but she’s growing in all the ways my dad and I don’t want her to grow. It’s fascinating and terrible, but she’s still inherently Rory, so I guess things could be worse. “I thought wonky was what you were going for.”
