Page 40 of A Very Snowed In New Year
“You aren’t getting out of any of this!” Rory assures me.
We go into Mum’s study, and I find my youngest uncle’s face on the computer monitor. David’s going through a divorce, and his kid is with his ex and her new boyfriend, and he does not look chuffed.
“Hey, Uncle David.” He’s only a few years older than most of my cousins, so it has always cracked me up to call him Uncle David. “Happy Christmas.”
“Isn’t it, though? I watched your dragon film on a flight last week, by the way. I did not despise it and you were rather good in it.” He’s grinning as he says it and clearly thought I was awesome.
“Wow.” I cover my heart with my hand. “Cheers. And I’ve heard you were rather good at being a husband.”
“Too soon. What a pleasure to see that fame has made you an even bigger wanker.”
“Hi, Uncle David! Thank you for the very generous Amazon gift card.”
“Hello, my love. You’re so welcome. It took me an entire hour to select the background design. Why aren’t you morose and frowning into your Kindle?”
“Because Holden has a situationship and he’s going to do a grand gesture, or I’m making him watch a nineties rom-com starring Ellen DeGeneres.”
“Hey, David,” I say, changing the subject, “when is your house in LA going to be available?”
He rubs his forehead. “I’m not sure. I have a girl in the States handling these things. You know, I also have a holiday home at Big Bear Lake that I’m not allowed to sell.”
“Well, don’t sell it, David,” my mum chimes in. “Save it for your progeny. It must be worth something.”
“My progeny doesn’t even like America. Or mountains or forests or stepping on dirt. Ugh. I can’tbearto use it because I was so in love when I bought it, so if you’re round there, Holden, feel free to use it.”
“You have a cabin at Big Bear? That’s so weird—someone just invited me to a cabin there today.”
“Who?” Rory punches my arm. “Ugh. Not Shay Nicholls?”
I frown at her.
“Ew. Just no. Why don’t you take Piper to Uncle David’s cabin for New Year’s Eve?!”
“Who is Piper, darling?” our mum asks. “Do you have two girlfriends?”
“I don’t even have one girlfriend. Can we talk about literally anything else?”
“Uncle David is going to hook you up, my adorable little American nephew. I’m texting you the contact information for the girl who handles my US properties. Now, why don’t you tell me about this two-girlfriend situation to take my mind off my own shriveled broken heart?”
“It’s only the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me!” my sister squeals, clapping her hands, and then proceeds to tell our mother and uncle all about PiperThanFiction, show them her Instagram, and call our dad into the room too.
“Oh, she’s lovely, Holden. Ask her what shade of lipstick she’s wearing, please,” my mother says.
I think I’d rather watch a Dane Cook movie. I think I’d rather be in a movie with Dane Cook than tell PiperThanFiction that I’m Holden Archer and invite her to a cabin at Big Bear for NewYear’s Eve. Except that even though I haven’t actually met her, no one in my family has ever been this excited about a girl for me before.
And if I’m being honest, when I think about how I felt when I saw her…neither have I.
TWELVE
Holden
MISSED CONFECTIONS
I managed to get through security without the paparazzi spotting me, but now literally everyone is walking around JFK with Christmas cookies and Cinnabon rolls and pizza and I want to punch a wall and then eat it.
Oh, and thank fuck almighty, this is the terminal with the chocolate store. Fucking A. I’m gonna go walk right past that fucker and stare at all the M&M displays and inhale all the chocolate smells and then keep walking because I am Zephyr and Zephyr has the willpower of a great leader and a fucking supernatural six-pack.
Whoa.
