Page 38 of A Very Snowed In New Year
Me:Possibly even worse. The Holiday.
Piper ThanFiction:Oh, I love that movie.
Me:Shocked.
“Who are you texting?”
I put my phone away. “Just a friend.”
She starts the movie, and I am already so angry that Jack Black and I have to endure this.
“You looked so smitten with your phone. Tell me who it is right now, or we’re going to watchValentine’s DayandHe’s Just Not That Into Youback-to-back.”
I stroke my chin, as if I’m actually considering watching two movies that are obviously a thousand times worse thanTheHoliday. “Okay, but you have to promise you won’t freak out about this.”
“I will make no such promise. Is it Olivia Rodrigo?”
“It is not.”
“Is it anyone who has ever been the star of a Disney Channel show?”
“I don’t think so. It’s PiperThanFiction.”
She blinks and then stares at me, frozen, like I just told her I’m marrying Taylor Swift.
I wave my hand in front of her stunned face.
“What?!” She squeezes her head with both hands. “ThePiperThanFiction? From FictionAxis?”
“Yes. That’s not how I know her. But I asked her if she’sthatPiperThanFiction, and she confirmed that she is.”
My sister’s eyes are so big right now. “What?! Bro. Explain. Say more. Say everything.”
That reminds me ofSay Anything, which reminds me of ShayAnything, which makes me feel a little weird because Ihavebeen getting along with her, but it’s not really a thing—and PiperThanFiction isn’t really a thing either. And I am not a fourteen-year-old girl, so what is the big deal about any of this?
“Okay, so you cannot contact her to tell her this, because she doesn’t know who I am and it has to stay that way. But three years ago—remember I talked to you about this?—I asked for your advice. I found someone’s journal in the back of a cab, and I created an email address to tell her I had it, and her email address is PiperThanFiction.”
“You know her?!”
“No. I just told you she doesn’t know who I am. We’ve only emailed a little, and we Google Chat now. That’s it.”
“Oh my God! We have to look her up!”
“I’m not going to Google her. I am a world-famous movie star; I can’t just do that kind of?—”
“Found her! Oh, I love her face!”
“Wait, you found a picture already?”
“Yeah, I’m looking at her Insta. I found the PiperThanFiction Tumblr account that she hasn’t used in years, and there’s a profile pic of a girl but it’s black and white and kind of pixelated, so I copy-pasted that into a reverse image search and it came up as a post on her Instagram. Look, she’s so pretty and I’m so jealous of her bangs! I want bangs now.”
“I don’t want to look.”
“Why? Because she isn’t a shallow actress who gets cast as mean girls over and over because… Oh right, I’m not allowed to say anything bad about your girlfriend.”
“Shay isn’t my girlfriend.”
“Then why won’t you just look at PiperThanFiction?!”
