Page 20 of A Very No Strings Halloween
“What the hell!?” I yell.
Donna screams and covers her mouth.
I don’t know why, maybe to confirm what I’m seeing, I turn on the faucet to the bathtub. Blood pours out of it as well, pooling at the bottom of the white porcelainlike it’s a scene out ofPsycho.
“Billy…” Donna moans, terror gripping her.
I grab her hand, ready to pull her out of there. “Donna, let’s… Hang on.” I sniff the air. “Wait a minute,” I murmur. I get in close to the blood that’s still pouring out of the tap and sniff again. Now I’m sure.
I let go of Donna’s hand and cup a handful of the “blood” to drink it down.
“Billy! What are you doing!” Donna screams.
I smile and smack my lips, calmly turning off both faucets.
“Are you a vampire or something?” she asks earnestly. Not like our role-play but like she’s sure that I am and she’s just crossing her t’s and dotting her i’s before I suck her tits like a creature of the night.
“Donna, is there a cranberry bog around here?”
“Yeah it… Wait. Cranberry juice?”
I nod.
“How on earth would cranberries get into the plumbing system?”
I shrug. “Weird shit happens with old houses, Fischer.”
Donna groans. “No kidding. There’s a lot of weird shit going on here. This place has so much potential, but it needs so much work. And I don’t have the time. Or the money. I mean, I have savings, but I’d have to get a loan.”
I have time and moneyis what I want to tell her.That gives me an idea. “Let me help you fix this place up.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not askin’, I’m offerin’. And this is a better place to role-play than your apartment. We can be as loud as we want out here.”
“Yeah, no one can hear you scream,” she says wryly, folding her arms in front of herself.
“But also, no one can hear memakeyou scream,” I say suggestively. I place my hand over her folded arms. “Ivantto fix up your house,” I say in my best sexy vampire accent.
She laughs but doesn’t look convinced. “It’s a very sweet offer, Billy. But it’s way too much to take on.”
A house is nothing.I’d take on the world for you.It’s a silly thought. I don’t know where it comes from, and I don’t voice it. Instead I say, “How’s about we make a deal. You teach me how to date, and I help you with your house. You fix me up; I fix this place up.”
She studies my face, and I watch her consider this proposal from all angles. I love watching her think. “Okay,” she finally says. “Deal.”
“Deal.” I offer my hand, and we shake on it.
This is good. Everyone wins. Donna gets her house fixed; I get tips on modern, normal-person dating.
And if I get to spend more time withDonna, that doesn’t seem so bad.
If Donna maybe gets a little bit jealous thinking about the other women she’s teaching me to be with?
That’s not the worst thing in the world either.
SIX
Donna
