Page 76 of A Very No Strings Halloween
Nolan huffs. “Billy, I had to arrange a Vegas heist with the likes of all of you to win my bride. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, have done that before Cora captured my heart and inspired me to do so. So what changedin youto realize that you had to marry Donna?”
“Ohhhhhh,” I say, finally getting what they’re after. They want to know how Billy turned from boy to man. From party animal to stable husband material. From man of the world to man of the house.
I shrug. “Nothing.”
The boys all share an incredulous look.
“What do you mean, ‘nothing’?” Declan asks.
“What I had to do was change nothing.”
The boys look at me like my bespoke cranberry-red tux is made of horse shit.
“What are you talking about? You almost lost her,” Eddie says, exasperated.
“Yeah, but the problem was that I wasn’t beingmyselfenough. I say what I want and do what I want when I want. I wanted to love Donna. And I should have just done it. I’m so unrelentingly perfect the way I am, I just needed to realize it.”
“Unbelievable,” Declan mutters, taking a puff of his cigar. “You can’t even express a logical idea without sounding like a maniac.”
I shrug. “I’m a simple man, fellas. I did what I wanted before I met Donna. I’m still doing the same. I do what I want to do. I just gotta keep doing that.”
“Yeah. Donna,” Eddie says, and the boys laugh.
“Yeah. Absolutely. I wanna do Donna. Forevah and evah. But also, she doesn’t make things any more complicated. She still makes it simple. She loves who I am. And everything I do, I do for her. Not complicated at all.”
They look happy for me. They really do. These guys that I’ve grown up and partied and adventured with. The fucks also look a little pissed that this all seems so easy for me.
“Well, wait until the kids come along. Won’t be so easy then, Billy boy,” Nolan says. “You’ll see.”
I shrug again. Mostly just to piss them off. Because while I’m longing to put a baby in the most beautiful woman on Earth, yeah, that is the one adventure that kind of makes me pause.
“I should have known,” I hear someone say from the doorway. I turn andfind my beautiful wife. My wife, still radiant in her wedding gown but now pleasantly flushed from dancing. “Already stealing my husband away?” Donna smiles brightly, clearly enjoying the wordhusbandthe way I’m enjoying the wordwife.
“Sorry, love,” Nolan says. “We were trying to talk some sense into this…handsome young man.”
“He is way too calm,” Declan says. “It’s problematic.”
“He should be pinching himself for being able to marry a woman like you,” Eddie adds. “He’s a little too high on his own supply. He thinks he can just keep floating through life, doing what he wants when he wants. This is not ideal.”
Donna holds her hand out, and I take it, helping her to gracefully join us on the porch. The boys aren’t wrong about that part. I can’t believe I scored a woman like her. But they’re wrong about the rest. Everything comes up Billy in the end, so why would I change?
“It’s all part of his charm,” she says, offering her lips to kiss, which I gladly do.
When the kiss breaks, I turn smugly to the boys. “See?”
“We were sayingwait until he has kids,” Declan says.
“Then we’ll see if it’s so free and easy for Old Billy Middleborough here,” Nolan says.
“That’s a good point.” Donna nods, getting a faraway look on her face. “Well, I wasn’t planning on breaking the news here and now, but…” She places her hands on her belly.
My jaw drops.No. Already? Am I ready for this?
“Are you okay, honey?” Donna asks. “You look a little pale.”
“You… We’re… You’re…?” I sputter. I’m going to be a dad. I found a girl who likes that I do what I want when I want, who does what she wants when she wants—when she’s not working. You can’t do that with a kid. You have to give them whattheywant whentheywant it. They get to drink and throw up and take naps in the middle of the day and not know where they wake up and play all day. It’s totally normal for an infant to wake up in Michigan without knowing how they got there. That won’t bemything anymore.
Holy shit.
