Page 52 of A Very No Strings Halloween
Probably.
Billy starts to read another letter. “‘My love, my soul, my scarlet spitfire. The way you gave yourself to me this time. I am over the moon. I miss your smile and your voice, but you’ll be here soon. All I hear is your voice in my head. Your voice and our song.’”
I watch him, but my vision is getting blurred. Darkening around the edges, like filmstrip when it burns. I can hear Billy’s voice but also someone else’s whispered voice. Flashes of memories that feel like dreams because they aren’t mine.
Such a bewildering swirl of emotions. So many lines are blurred, and I can’t parse out what’s coming from Lara and what’s mine. Frustration and impatience and the exhilaration of having a body again and love. So much love.
I feel my hands on my chest, over my heart, and then I watch as my hands reach out for Billy.
It’s like I’m watching a movie of myself from the inside.
I don’t feel like I have control of myself anymore.Shedoes. Almost like I have invisible strings controlling me. Like she’s the puppeteer and I’m a marionette.
But the face I see before me isn’t Billy’s. It’s a young Lars.
“Lars!” I stand up and grab his face. “Lars! My love, my life!”
“How ya doin’?” Billy says.
Part of me knows it’s Billy’s voice, but it sort of splits off into someone else’s. Lars’s voice.
“Oh, my love, our song! Yes, our song!” I start singing.
“Every morning, every evening
Ain’t we got fun?”
Billy stands up and sings.
“Not much money, oh, but honey
Ain’t we got fun?”
My feet move around the table to Billy, but I’m not the one who’s moving them.
“The rent’s unpaid, dear
We haven’t a bus.”
Billy puts a hand on my waist and takes my hand in the other.
“But smiles were made dear
For people like us.”
We dance and sing. I don’t know this song, but I’m singing it. Billy is too. Together, we sing:
“In the winter in the summer
Don’t we have fun
Times are bum and getting bummer
Still we have fun.”
“Oh, my love!” I cry out. I feel giddy. Or she does. Lara is having the time of her afterlife. “Oh, Lars! You’re back, you’re back, you’ve come back to me!” I kiss him, all over his face. “Oh my darling, I’m all yours! Take me here and now! Take it out for me—oh, how I’ve missed it so!”
“Uh-oh.” Billy lets go and steps away from me. “Nah, I gotta finish readin’ these letters now. Sit back down there, you.” He points to the chair. “I command you to sit back down and listen.”
