Page 3 of A Very No Strings Halloween
“I got no idea what your son needs, Mrs. O’Sullivan, besides better manners.” She turns on her heel and walks away.
“What the fuck is her problem?” my ma rightfully asks. “Billy, did you mess with her already?”
“I mean…” Did I hang out with the cute waitress from my favorite pub a couple of times a few years ago? Yeah. Did she overreact when she asked me to drive her to a medical appointment wherein she was going to have the fat removed from her ass and injected into her lips, and I told her to leave the fat where it was? Yeah, in my humble opinion, she did. By that time it was clear we were trying to find love and fat in all the wrong places. “It wasn’t a good fit, all right?”
“I do not like her attitude. Who does she think she is, talkin’ to me like that about my son?”
“Right?”
“She’s too blonde for you anyway,” Mrs. C says. “I don’t see you with a blonde. We met a nice girl on the plane yesterday…what was her name? Nice, strong personality, very polite. What was her name? Tony—what was that girl’s name who sat on the other side of the aisle from us yesterday?” Her husband is in the middle of a conversation with my dad. I don’t see that it matters what this girl’s name was since she isn’t here and they obviously didn’t get her number. “Tony. Tony! Tony!”
“What?!”
“What was the name of that girl across the aisle from us?”
He looks around, exasperated. “What aisle?”
“On the plane! Yesterday! The one I said would be good for Billy.”
Mr. C shrugs. “Patricia. Why does it matter what her name was? She lives in Cleveland and we didn’t get her number.”
“Patty!” Mamie ignores her husband as soon as he gives her the name. “That’s the kind of girl you should settle down with, Billy. She had red hair. That’s what you need. A redhead.” She nods, like this is the wisest thing anyone will ever say to me.
And maybe it is. I do like redheads. Oraredhead.
But that’s irrelevant. “Sounds good, Mrs. C. I’m gonna go talk to Dec.” I raise my hand and nod at Declan, as if he’s been trying to get my attention. He hasn’t. But I need to get out of this situation.
And just when I’m trying, as always, not to think about a certain redhead that I can’t seem to stop thinking about, my phone vibrates witha text notification.
Red:You home?
And suddenly, the clouds part and bright red sun shines through.
Me:I am at home in the world, Red. You know that. I’ll be back at my apartment later. You at home?
Red:Affirmative.
Me:And you’re dying to see me. Well, well. What are we gonna do about that?
Red:I have ideas, Mouth. But first you need to get over yourself.
Me:I think we both know that’s never gonna happen. Hope the rest of your ideas involve getting under me.
“Who are you texting with?”
If anyone else had said anything to me just now, I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have heard them. But it’s Maddie. And she’s smiling. So I will answer her.
Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I say, “Ah, y’know.”
“Well, Idon’tknow, Billy. That’s why I’m asking. You seem awfully happy to be communicating with whoever it is.”
“Nawww.” That can’t be right. Horny, maybe. My dick is happy all of a sudden—for Red reasons. Not because my cousin’s wife is talking to me. “You guys havin’ a good night?” I ask, swiftly changing the subject. “Can I get you something from the bar?”
“No, I’m good. Tonight has been a blast. Thank you for organizing this, Billy,” she says as she holds her toddler, Ciara, up. “You want to take her for a bit?”
“Hell yeah, I do. Hey, kid.” I hoist up the little princess in the crook of my arm. It’s been way too long since they asked me to fly out and babysit her. “How’s my girl doin’? You sleepy?”
She nods, slow-blinking at me. “Yeah.”
