Page 8 of A Very Grumpy Father's Day
PIPER: Hey, Aunt Maddie. I’m not allowed to go anywhere because my mother is lame and I have to study for exams. I have them all week next week.
ME: Exams. Right. I forgot about exams. I’m sure you’ll ace them.
PIPER: IKR?! There’s such a thing as being overprepared. Did something come up? Is there a hot mom and dad convention that you guys have to attend or something? LOLOL
ME: Something like that. Well, best of luck on your exams. I’ll see you at Mel’s birthday party on Saturday, right?
PIPER: Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
ME: Word.
ME: Do people still say “word?”
PIPER: Oh, sure! I hear old people who are trying to sound cool say it all the time at the deli.
ME: All right, that’s enough out of you, young lady.
I already know my parents can’t babysit tonight because Bex and I got my parents tickets to seeChicagofor a Father’s Day gift this year. We got them for today because my dad doesn’t want to miss the James Bond marathon that will be on TV next Sunday.
There’s one more lovely person I can try—my former landlady, Mrs. Pavlovsky. Declan will insist on picking her up so she doesn’t have to come uptown on her own, but it’s worth a shot.
She is already cooing when she answers her phone. “Oooooh, Magdalena! Such avunderfulsurprise! Are you in neighborhood? Do you have babyvisyou?!”
“Hello, Mrs. Pavlovsky. We aren’t in the neighborhood, but I was actually calling to see if you’re free tonight? If you are, we’d love to have you over for an early dinner and then maybe you could watch Ciara for a couple of hours while Declan and I, you know…go out for a little while?”
“Ooooh. Youvantdate nightvishusband, yes?”
“If we can find a last-minute babysitter. No pressure at all though. We just haven’t had any time to ourselves in a while.”
“Oh, Magdalena. How I miss timevismy Vladimir. Let mesinknow… If I bring my suitcasevisme I can go to New Jersey from your home, yes?”
“You’re going to New Jersey?”
“Yes. To get on boat. To Bermuda.Visfriend. Just friend.”
“Mrs. Pavlovsky! Are you going on a cruise with a male friend?”
“Psssh.Not like my Vladimir. Just friend. I comevatchbaby first.”
“No! No, you get ready for your cruise. Have a wonderful, safe trip. I’m so happy you’re taking a vacation. We’ll come by to visit after so you can tell us all about it, okay?”
“Yes. Yes, Magdalena, okay, yes. Bye-bye.”
“Bye-bye.”
My heart is warm and full to bursting all of a sudden. My widowed Ukrainian former landlady is going on a cruise with a beau. I wonder if she’s found someone to sweep the stoop of her building while she’s gone. I bet Declan would offer to do it, even though it would be wildly inconvenient for him—he’d do it because he knows it would make her happy. And now I just want to hug him. I still want to throttle him. And hump his leg. But all of a sudden I’m feeling nostalgic for that time when we were falling in love, over Christmas.
My eyeballs are watery, and my damn nose is all tingly.
And now I’m thinking about the scented candles I used to burn in my old apartment before I moved in with Dec. The ones that never got unpacked when I moved in with him, along with my bathtub caddy and favorite bath salts and bath-time books—that box went straight to his storage closet in the basement because he doesn’t like scented candles.
Now I just want to throttle him. And find my candles. And hump his leg.
Marriage is weird.
My phone rings. It’s my sister Bex. Piper probably told her that I need a sitter.
“Hi.”
