Page 44 of A Very Grumpy Father's Day
“Yer welcome, Manhattan. I’m glad you had a good date with your wife.” He pats me on the back and then pushes me away.
“You heading back to Boston now, or are you going to see Nolan?”
“Irish is busy bein’ a dad today. I’m headin’ home. Takin’ my parents out for a late supper. They had lunch with Mark and his family.”
“Say hi to everyone for me.”
“Yeah, you got it, Dec.” He seems pensive. Which is something I’ve never thought about him before.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m great. I dunno. Bein’ around your family and Nolan’s family lately… I think it’s time for me to settle down. Y’know? Find my Maddie.”
“Find your own Maddie, you mean,” I want to clarify. “Someone like Maddie who’s right foryou.”
“Obviously that’s what I mean, hotshot.”
“Well, that’s great to hear, Boston. I’m really happy to hear it.” I’d say that whoever ends up with him is a lucky lady, but honestly, I cannot imagine what kind of woman would end up with Billy. Never even tried to imagine it. I open the front door for him. “Have a good flight.”
He nods at me. “Happy Father’s Day, kid.”
And now I think it’s time to FaceTime with my parents.
Maddie has Ciara on her hip when she brings me my iPad. “Get started without us, okay? I need to do a quick change.”
“Diaper change?” I smack my forehead. “Did we forget to show Billy how to change her diaper? Shit.”
“No, he actually knows how to change diapers. Cora told me. I mean change her clothes,” she says as she walks down the hall, leaving me to deal with my ma’s passive-aggressive comments about the Father’s Day lunch we missed because we weren’t willing to fly out to Youngstown, Ohio for the day.
I set up the iPad on the coffee table, take a seat on the sofa, cross myself, and initiate a video call with my mother.
She accepts the call immediately, as if she was just waiting by her laptop, like a maternal spider waiting for her prey. “There he is!” She’s dressed in her Sunday best because she probably made everyone pose for a million pictures in front of the fireplace and on the front porch and by the gazebo in the backyard. “Oh, it’s just you.” She doesn’t hide her mild disappointment.
“Ciara and Maddie will be here any second. Great to see you, Ma. You look nice.”
“Tony!” she yells out. I can hear Dean Martin music in the background. “Tony! Get over here! It’s happening! It’s Declan and the girls on FaceTime… The Wi-Fi is stronger right here, that’s why I put the laptop here!” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes at me. “That man, I swear. Two hours of being sociable with family and he wants to hide in his cave for the rest of the day.” She turns her head to the side again. “It’s in the cabinet on the right! Don’t— Tony! I will find it for you later!”
She rubs her forehead and then puts on a big smile for me. “My beautiful boy. You look hungry and happy, and I am not gonna ask how your day has been. Where’s my beautiful daughter-in-law and grandbaby girl? I took pictures of everything you missed at Father’s Day lunch. I will email them to you later. The food, the table setting, your entire Ohio family that you don’t see enough because you’re such busy, important New Yorkers—but we all understand.”
“It’s hard to travel with the baby, Ma. It has nothing to do with how important we are.”
“Oh, okay, Mr. Fancypants Lawyer on the Upper East Side. You made it to Los Angeles for Eddie’s wedding, but God forbid you get on a plane to come to Ohio—we all understand and we love you. It’s fine.”
“Yeah. Sounds like it’s fine.”
Maddie rescues me by bringing Ciara over. She’s changed the baby into a little dress that Ma sent last month and put a pink ribbon thing in her hair. This is the kind of thing I would never think to do. It’s like she has an entire part of her brain that I’m missing. “Here we are! Here we are, here we are.” She sits next to me and places Ciara on her knees, facing the iPad. She probably doesn’t want to hand her over to me right away in case Ciara starts crying. It’s fine. “Hi, Mamie! Can you wave hi to Grandma, Ciara?” Maddie shows her how to wave to Grandma, and she does it, even though I’m not convinced that she can actually see Grandma on the iPad screen. “Gooood for you, Ciara!”
“Good girl, Ciara,” I say.
“Oh my God, look at that precious little angel. So good at waving at me.” She turns her head to the side and yells out, “Tony! Ciara’s here! Come see this! Come let Ciara wave at you!”
Tony Cannavale finally saunters into frame. He’s wearing his usual long sleeve polo shirt, casual slacks, and a neutral facial expression. “Hello, there,” he says. “Who’ve we got here?”
“Where are your glasses?” my ma asks.
“I can see, woman! I’m being rhetorical.”
“Happy Father’s Day, Dad. Good to see you.”
