Page 6 of There Is Also a Dog
MADDIE: Hey, I have to go because our song just came on, and Declan wants to dance to it. But we aren’t having fun at all. Nobody here is. We all wish we were hanging out with you. Promise. Merry Christmas! Xoxo
ME: Go and get your love. Merry Christmas.
A divorced, straight, aloof nerd who’s not being aloof with me, and that’s interesting to Maddie?
That is somewhat-to-very interesting to me.
I drum my nails on the table and look up at the window across from me, but it’s dark outside, so all I see is my own confused and mildly lustful face looking back at me.
I really do have work to do.
But itisChristmas Eve.
And it would be rude not to thank him for the welcome basket.
I finally take a bite of the cookie, andsweet baby mouthgasm—it’s like French kissing a sexy chocolate snowman that bites your lip and sucks on your tongue and then says “I love you” while fingerbanging you under a quilt.
I take three more sips of wine, imagine myself bent over the table while getting rammed by a hot, aloof nerd, and then scribbleThe Burning Man.
ME: It’s Jillian. At the cabin. Thank you for the card. The peppermint bark is shockingly, aggressively delicious. I love your dog. What’s her name?
MITCHELL: Oh, hi. Glad you arrived safely.
ME: Thanks. What’s your dog’s name?
MITCHELL: Kind of a forward question, don’t you think?
ME: If you don’t want your asshole New Yorker guests to ask about your dog, you probably shouldn’t have fifty pics of her all over the cabin.
MITCHELL: Fair enough. Not everyone asks about her though, surprisingly. Her name is Agnes. What are you wearing?
ME: Is that a joke?
MITCHELL: No, her name really is Agnes.
ME: She’s the most beautiful shade of gray.
MITCHELL: Blue. They’re called blue Frenchies. The blue top you’re wearing in your Facebook profile pic looks really good on you. Are you wearing that right now?
ME: Nice segue. So you looked me up, huh?
MITCHELL: Yeah. I’m looking at you right now.
ME:
MITCHELL: On Facebook. I’m looking at your profile on Facebook. And how do you like my profile pic?
ME: What makes you think I looked you up?
MITCHELL: Glad you didn’t. That sweater makes me look fat.
ME: I didn’t see a pic with you in a sweater.
MITCHELL: Ha-ha. You looked me up.
ME: Only so I would recognize you in case you show up here to murder me.
MITCHELL: Well, it’s winter. I’d show up in a sweater and coat that make me look fat, so you probably wouldn’t recognize me.
