Page 5 of The Love Interest
“Oh, okay. Well then, this is the Cuteness Police. You’re under arrest for being too cute.”
“Yes. What did you have for dinner today?”
Why can’t all my conversations go like this? “I’ll tell you after I’ve ordered it.”
She gasps. “You haven’t had your dinner yet?! Whaaaat?! Hey, are you outside?”
“Yeah, I’m out for a walk.”
“Can I come?”
“No way.”
“Why?”
“You have to go back to bed. No kids allowed out here this late at night.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Wrong!”
“I’m not wrong. It’s too dangerous out here for little kids. The subway monsters all come out at night—everyone knows that.”
“Thanks a lot, asshole,” my sister mutters in the background.
“The subway monsters aren’t scary, Mommy,” Bettina explains. “Also, they aren’t real. It’s just something he made up in a story for me. They look mean and scary, but really they’re just afraid to talk to people.”
“Ahh. Sounds like someone we know.”
“I’m not afraid to talk to people. People are afraid to talk tome. That’s not my fault.”
“Hey, are you going to meet a girl somewhere or something?”
“Ew. Are you on your way to a hookup right now?” Celeste asks, all Upper East Side judge-y and married person-like.
“No. I’m going to the diner. For food. By myself.”
“Mom, can we go?!”
“It’s after three. You have to get back on your school sleep cycle.”
“But you guys are always up! It’s not fair. I want a milkshake.”
“Oooh, a milkshake. That sounds good. Yeah, why don’t you guys come meet me for a milkshake?”
“Nope. You need to go to bed, little girl. And Uncle Emmett needs to meet a new lady friend.”
“I really don’t.”
“He really does. He’s just not very good at talking to girls.”
I have to laugh at that because—please. I’m very good at talking to girls. I just don’t meet very many Iwantto talk to. Not my fault.
“Maybe we should give him a little advice.”
“Yes! I know lots of things I can tell you! Girls like it when boys say funny jokes to them. Like, knock knock?”
