Page 91 of A Very Friendly Valentine's Day

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Baby, I missed you even more than I missed that train in Chicago.

-- Eddie

You must be the Hogwarts Express, because when I ride you, I’m transported to a magical place.

-- Birdie

You must be a Dementor, because it feels like I’m dying a little every time you kiss me.

-- Eddie

My vagina is a Horcrux and you’re the only one who can destroy it.

-- Birdie

I was going to give you a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day, but you already have a sweet box.

-- Eddie

Archivists do it with gloves on, but I’m taking mine off for you.

-- Birdie

If you were an art history book, I’d need a magnifying glass to read you because your print would be fine.

-- Eddie

I’m going to catalog you under “Boyfriend.”

-- Birdie

You have a degree in Library Sciences? Baby, I’m gonna check you out and never return you.

-- Eddie

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

P.S. I finished readingInfinite Jest

What the actual fuck?!

-- Eddie

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