Page 72 of A Very Friendly Valentine's Day
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: You do have to tell me, actually.
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: It’s hot, Eddie. Your voice is hot.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: Pleased to hear it.
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: I especially like how you sound when you come.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: Spit take.
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: It’s really cute.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE:
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: In a really hot, super masculine way, of course.
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: Anyway, I noticed your voice. And then I noticed your hands. Your big, beautiful hands.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: Was this when you were still walking behind me?
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: Yes. I then continued to stare at your butt for a while. However, I do want to be clear that all of your physical attributes pale in comparison to your personality and the way you have always treated me and your talent.
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: Okay, they don’t pale in comparison, but you’re the whole package.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: Nobody has ever called me that before. The whole package.
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: I think maybe you’ve been saving your whole package for me.
YOUR FILTHY VALENTINE: I mean, I know a lot of other women have seen your package, but…
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: You are the only woman who gets the whole package. You’re right.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: BRB
* * *
EDDIE: Hey. I’m at O’Hare. I’m on standby for a flight that leaves in two hours and they said there’s a good chance I’ll be on it. So I’ll be in NYC in like four and a half hours. I’ll start looking for a hotel for tonight, I guess. I’m assuming you’ll let me crash with you when you get there…
EDDIE: Or if I can find a more baller suite last minute, you can cancel your room and stay with me.
EDDIE: Guess you’re in a dead zone.
EDDIE: You’d better not be busy talking to Lord Vader.
EDDIE: Forget I said that. He’s not cool enough for a Star Wars reference.
* * *
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: Hi. In case you’re not checking your other phone, your secret valentine would like you to know that you should check your other phone.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: I dunno… Is this getting complicated? Are you ready to commit to our original phone numbers yet?
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: I’ll just sit here and think about your sweet, delicious pussy while I wait for you to get a signal or stop talking to Sir Rupert Snoredon.
YOUR SECRET VALENTINE: Man, I am not on my game. I should probably get something to eat.
* * *
EDDIE: Okay, I’m boarding the flight to JFK now. Message me when you get a signal. I love you.
EDDIE: Shit. Sorry. Is it okay that I said that with this phone? Whatever, gotta go. Talk to you when I’m in NYC. Xo
EDDIE: P.S. Tell Lord Froofy McSnootypants the third that I got mobbed by fans when I was in line at Chili’s.
EDDIE: Wait, tell him I was at a bar and grill.
EDDIE: Never mind.
