Page 6 of A Very Friendly Valentine's Day
January Goals
1. Finish readingInfinite Jestby David Foster Wallace before the end of the month.
I know Birdie gave it to me as a joke because she thought I’d hate it, but she’s really going to hate that I like it and that I’m gonna finish it. Eventually.
2. Work up to twenty pull-ups with a weighted vest. Add one more hour of intermittent fasting the week before the shirtless scene. Do an extra fifteen minutes of cardio per day to work off Nonna’s Christmas Eve dinner. Throw in about thirty side-jackknives and hanging-leg raises, too—the ladies deserve it. It’s been a few episodes since they got to see The Cannavale Six. I wonder how long Ralph Fiennes can hold a plank for—hack.
3. Remind agent to put me up for parts where I don’t have to take my shirt off during the show’s hiatus because I really want a fucking pizza.
4. Meet Alana in person.
Make this work. This has to work, or else I’ve wasted almost a month and a half of my life and I’m just some idiot who wanted to bang a hot model who slid into his DMs. And I’m not that guy. I’m the idiot who’s been fucking his hand for over a month because he likes being monogamous—and honestly, it’s a lot easier to have an out of town girlfriend who doesn’t know about Birdie. Not having to deal with a girl who’s jealous of Birdie is a big plus. I just can’t tell Birdie that, so she has no idea how good Alana’s been forourrelationship. Our friendship, I mean.
5. Go to Birdie’s party and make sure she doesn’t hook up with yet another nerd who doesn’t know how to kiss her.
