Page 25 of A Very Friendly Valentine's Day
The One with Fromeo
I don’t have a fucking clue which movies I should download. It shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s not a big deal. I just don’t want to watch anything that’ll make me horny while I’m sleeping in the same room as Birdie. Although it’s very possible that a toothpaste commercial would make me horny right now because—I’m horny. I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m on my way to see Alana. I’m one thousand percent certain it’s because I haven’t fucked a woman in over two months. But it might be because Birdie’s blue eyes seem especially shiny today. And her hair seems especially soft and wavy. And she must have gotten a new kind of lip balm that makes her mouth look even more kissable than usual. She seems so nervous, it’s really adorable. And she’s making it impossible for me to ignore her nipples because they’re locked and loaded, and two layers of clothing can’t hide that.
But it’s mostly because I haven’t fucked a woman in over two months.
I think.
I just need to focus on my goals for the month.
1. Meet Alana in person.
2. Stay faithful to Alana.
3. Keep Birdie out of trouble.
4. Don’t create trouble for Birdie, or for me.
5. Finish readingInfinite Jest. I can’t believe I didn’t finish it last month. I hate not achieving my goals. Even when they’re over a thousand pages long.
I need to download something. Fuck it. I’m downloading as many episodes ofSherlockas I can.I’ve only seen the series once. God only knows how many times Birdie’s seen it, but at least I know she’ll want to watch it. And yeah, I also know she claims it makes her horny because she’s a nerd who thinks Benedict Cumberbatch is hot. At least I knowIwon’t get horny. I’m more of a Hiddlestoner.
While the show’s downloading, I text Alana to ask if she can talk. She was disappointed that I’ll be spending a little less time in New York than originally planned, but she didn’t get all moody or anything. Which I liked. And she didn’t ask a lot of questions about who I was taking the train with. Which I really liked.
ALANA: Hey babe!
ALANA: I’m at dinner with friends.
ALANA: It’s kind of loud in here and it’s too cold to go outside to talk.
ALANA: You on the train?
ME: Yeah. Boarded. We haven’t left the station yet. Just wanted to tell you I found out there’s no Wi-Fi on this train and cell phone coverage might be spotty for the next few days.
ME: So if I don’t respond to a text or call, that’s why.
ALANA: Oh.
ALANA: Right.
ALANA: Sure.
ALANA: Whatever.
ME: I’m not making that up. There’s really no Wi-Fi on the train and we’re going to be passing through parts of the country that don’t have good cell phone coverage.
ALANA: Got it.
ALANA: K.
ME: Babe. You sure you can’t talk? I’d kind of like you to hear my voice right now so you know I’m not lying.
ALANA: Yeah, whatever.
ALANA:
ME:
Fuck you, face blowing a kiss emoji.
