Page 2 of A Very Friendly Valentine's Day

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BIRDIE: Right. THAT’S why.

EDDIE: What exactly are you implying?

BIRDIE: Nothing. Your dedication to a genetically perfect twenty-three-year-old woman with a tiny waist and huge tits who slid into your DMs that you’ve never met in person is admirable.

EDDIE: I’m detecting sarcasm. Also, her tits aren’t that huge. And I haven’t met her YET. And she has a big heart.

BIRDIE: Yes, a 34 C, I’d say. Anyway. I hope you don’t black out and I hope you don’t end up in Michigan. Unless you want to. Then I hope you’re wearing the appropriate winter apparel, so you don’t catch a cold.

EDDIE: Awww. She cares.

BIRDIE: Seriously, though. Stay out of trouble. If you get hit by a bus or something, I will kill you.

EDDIE:

* * *

EDDIE: You around?

EDDIE: Ho

EDDIE: How

EDDIE: Who got two thumbs is wasted and cunt text for shot rut now?

EDDIE: Thus goy.

EDDIE: Can eee call yo?

EDDIE: I? Yo. You.

EDDIE: Duck.

EDDIE: I rally wush yo were here.

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