Page 46 of A Very Bossy Christmas
My dad yells out from the kitchen, and it’s a wonder we can hear him over Dean Martin, but he’s got quite the voice. “You want me to find the platter, or you want me to come out and see the guests?!”
“I’ll get the platter!” she yells.
That’s when my favorite niece comes bounding in, followed by my sister. Casey is probably more relieved than anyone that I have a new girlfriend, because that means she won’t have to break up any fights tonight. Probably.
“Uncle Dec!” Penelope’s holding up the Rey Deluxe Lightsaber that I sent her. “Uncle Dec! I opened it already, look!”
“Hey there, Wookie.”
She jumps up into my arms, still holding the toy weapon. “I’m not a Wookie, I’m a Jedi.”
“Oh, that’s right. Have you been a good Jedi this year? Or did you switch to the dark side?”
I speak fluentStar WarsNerd with my niece while watching Casey chat with Maddie and my ma and realize that all four of my favorite girls are in this room with me right now, and this is probably going to be the high point of the night.
It’s over as soon as my dad walks in, sighing loudly as if it’s such a burden to have to greet guests in his house when he’d rather be at a local football game in the freezing cold.
“There he is,” he says. “Finally gracing us with his presence.”
I let Penelope slide down the side of me and go over to Casey so she can introduce her to Maddie. Casey mouths to me from across the room,I love her!and gives me a thumbs-up.
“Merry Christmas,” I say to my dad, holding my hand out to shake his. His hair’s a little grayer than it was the last time I saw him, but Tony Cannavale still looks like a cross between Tony Soprano and Cake Boss. Except he’s Ohio-born and bred. And he’s never had anyone killed or baked anything in his life. As far as I know.
He gives my hand an abrupt shake while patting my shoulder. “You know I got friends all over town, right? I got a buddy, his nephew went to school with you—few years younger—says he saw you at the Twinstar last night. Singing in the hotel bar.” He gives me a somewhat gentle smack up the side of my head. “You’re in town yesterday, and you don’t give your ma a phone call? Not even a quick hello? What’s the matter with you?”
“Come meet Maddie, ya big oaf,” my ma says to him. “Aw, my boy doesn’t need to call his ma. I’m sure he knew how busy I was gettin’ the house ready for guests and cleanin’ up after your mother in the kitchen and gettin’ ready for all theeverything…” Ma comes over to pinch my cheek—really hard. “I mean, what’s he gonna do—stop by to see us for half an hour when he’s ten whole minutes away? Nahhh.”
“Actually—it wasn’t his fault, Mr. and Mrs. Cannavale,” Maddie offers. “I wasn’t feeling well when we got in yesterday. I really hate flying. So I was resting, and he didn’t want to leave me alone.”
Fuck me, I want to put a little Christmas bun in that oven right now.
“Awww. That sounds like Mr. Bigshot, all right. Doesn’t want to leave the hotel his sick girlfriend is in, but he’ll go down to the bar to get drunk and sing to a bunch of strangers.”
“Hey—I wasn’tthatdrunk. I’m sorry, Ma. The truth is I just wanted one night alone at a hotel with my girlfriend. If that’s so terrible, well then, I’m a terrible man.” I go over to rub Maddie’s back, and by uttering two sentences, I’m the favorite guy of all four females in this room, at least for the moment.
And then my dad hustles off to the kitchen because Nonna is yelling for him, Casey’s husband calls out for her and Penelope to come watch his favorite scene inChristmas with the Kranks, and my ma hollers, “Eddie. Eddie!Edward Sullivan Cannavale!Declan’s here with his girlfriend! Get out here, come on!” She shakes her head at us. “That boy’s been in the guest room the whole time since he got here except when we’re eatin’.”
I shake my head, rolling my eyes, grateful that my little brother is being a slightly bigger disappointment than I am once again.
My ma disappears to get the platter just as my little brother emerges from the hallway, sliding his phone into the front pocket of his sweatpants. He’s so fucking handsome I want to punch him in the face, but I also want to pick him up and cradle him in my arms because he’s my baby brother.
“Eddie. You little shit. This is my girlfriend, Maddie.”
His face lights up. “Oh, hey. How you doin’?” my brother says, grinning and doing a Joey fromFriendsimitation because he’s a sweet, dumbass flirt. He takes Maddie’s hand to shake it and doesn’t let go.
“Well hello there. Wow. Declan wasn’t kidding when he said you were ugly,” she deadpans.
“Poor guy. I hear he was the best-looking in the family until I was born.”
She narrows her eyes at him, and I want to throw a blanket over his head already. “I think I’ve seen you on my niece’s wall…”
Shit. She recognizes him.
He smirks. “Tell your niece I said ‘hey.’”
“She’s thirteen,” I tell him as I pull his hand from hers. “Idiot.”
“Tell her I say ‘hey’ in five years,” he clarifies. My twenty-six-year-old brother has been playing a high school student in various pieces of crap for the past eight years, but he’s currently the star of a very popular show, and I’m really proud of him, even though he’s totally wasting his life in Los Angeles like an idiot. Or in Vancouver, Canada, really, because that’s where all of those shows are shot.
