Page 14 of A Very Bossy Christmas
Or I could just wait until I tell Cooper what I need her to assist me with over the holidays and wait for her to kill me slowly with eye rolls and sarcasm.
For the first time in two months, Idon’treach for my phone to text her when it seems like nothing else can save me.
But it seems that nothing—not even a phone call with my mother—can stop me from wondering if Maddie Cooper is naked right now.
Fuck my cold, dead heart.
Six
Maddie
HERE COMES THE SANTA CLAUSE
It turns out the only thing more aggravating than dealing with a gorgeous, moody, demanding boss is experiencing said gorgeous moody boss when he appears to be making an effort to be courteous, tolerable, and somewhat pleasant.
The last two days at work were weird. Creepy. Ominous.
Like the scenes toward the end of a scary movie, where you’re supposed to think that the axe murderer is dead and gone—so the heroine is walking around her kitchen barefoot, listening to a Van Morrison song, talking on the phone, and telling her friend not to worry about her anymore. Then pouring herself a glass of wine and getting into the shower. The camera slowly pans over to the basement door that she forgot to lock. The movie lulls you into a false sense of complacency right before shit gets real.
I never fall for it.
I never walk around my kitchen barefoot.
I always keep every door and window locked.
And I will not be lulled into a false sense of complacency with Declan Cannavale.
I’m suspicious. He’s probably going to ask me to work through the night on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day or something. I won’t do it. I don’t care how good he smells. He stinks as a boss.
He didn’t make me stay late last night. He hasn’t texted me yet today, so I actually got to have a Saturday morning all to myself for the first time since I’d started working for him. And it’s been great. I slept in. I drank hot cocoa in front of my Christmas tree while listening to “Ave Maria.”Okay, I drank hot chocolate with peppermint Schnapps at ten-thirty in the morning while listening to Mariah Carey.I bought groceries. I’m able to walk down the sidewalk without bumping into people because I’m not busy responding to his texts.
And I don’t miss him one little bit.
I’m just enjoying freezing my tits off on this beautiful arctic day in the East Village. My landlady, Mrs. Pavlovsky, is out sweeping the stoop of our building, as she does every day of the year. The trees are bare, and there’s no snow or wind or even a speck of dust on the steps, but she likes to keep busy. And I love talking to her. This part of town is called Ukrainian Village, so it’s not uncommon to hear her accent in this neighborhood. But I’ve missed chatting with her on weekends, because she’s comforting to me in the way that her borscht is. She’s weird and colorful and nourishing.
“Mrs. Pavlovsky, you aren’t dressed warm enough,” I tease. She’s always telling me to put more clothes on, and now she’s wearing an old, worn-out wool coat, even though she owns a freaking building in Manhattan.
“Pah!” She waves her hand dismissively. “Zisis nothing. Here—no wind. In Ukraine—cold to my bones. Here—cold only skin deep. Meh.”
I wonder if my boss is only cold skin-deep. Maybe it just took him two months to warm up to me. Is that what’s happening?
“Oooohhh.Vat’s zissmile for, Magdalena? A man?” She calls me Magdalena, and she is about as good at pronouncing “w” and “th” sounds as I am at choosing boyfriends.
I wipe the smile from my face, walk up the steps, and open the front door to our building. “No smile. No man.”
She follows me inside. “Vyyou don’t have man, Magdalena? Huh?Vy?You get man to go out on streetvis, and I am not having tovorryno more. But now my heart is ache for you,alvays!Nyet.No good.”
She has asked me to “help learn better to speakzeEnglish,” so I correct her. “You mean why don’t I have a man to go out with?”
“Yes.” She makes a great effort and manages to say, “Whyyyyy you don’t have man? Not all man is like onevis…with…long hair,alvayscrying.”
The needy musician.
“Or manvisbags of avocado,alvaysyelling about plastic.”
The angry vegan environmentalist.
“Some man isvonderful. Like my Vladimir.”
