Page 102 of The Plus Ones

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“It’s a boxing movie!” Sean yells out. “Rocky!”

Chase slowly turns his head to look at me. I slowly turn my head to look at Roxy. She blatantly ignores us and tries to keep her eyes glued to the dry erase board, where Finn decides to start drawing a happy face and then an arrow pointing from the head to the box.

“Time!” Nina calls out.

“It better not beSeven,” Chase grumbles.

“It wasSeven!”

“Seven?” Harriet throws her hands up in the air. “That’s not a movie!”

“It’s not a kids’ movie, that’s for sure.” Aimee gives Roxy and me the stink eye. “Who put that title in the basket?”

“I did!” Finn says.

Chase and Aimee glare at me.

“We have not let him watch it yet—tell ’em, Finnegan!”

“I haven’t seen it yet. I just know there’s a head in a box, and I really want to see it!”

“Seven? That’s a number!” Harriet’s fists are on her hips. It’s her most common stance whenever she’s talking to Finn now. “You’re supposed to make it easy for us so our team can win! Why didn’t you just go like this?” She swipes the pen from him and makes seven slashes on the board. “You’re seven years old! Joni’s seven! I’m seven! You could have just pointed at me!”

Finn erases everything on the board. “Why would I point at you? The title wasn’tSmelly Poopie Head Who Thinks She Knows Everything and Talks Too Much!”

Chase and Matt exchange looks. Bernie and Aimee exchange looks. We are all aware that one day the McKays and the McGoverns may be related by marriage. I can’t wait to have a man-to-man talk with my godson one day about the pros and cons—but mostly pros—of marrying a beautiful mouthy lady who makes your blood boil.

I lock eyes with my lovely wife.

Roxy fudging Bridges.

We’ve enjoyed a number of beers together outside on sunny days, and she has made good on her promise to never stop telling me that she loves me. Even when those three words are surrounded by a string of words that would make a weaker man cry. So far, I’ve only cried twice since we got together.

When we got married, three months after getting engaged, and when Roxy gave birth to our baby.

We got pregnanttwomonths after getting engaged.

Oops.

Cassie Reyna Bridges is one year old today, which is why we’re having a low-key get-together at our house with the crew. I’m putting Joe and Melinda Carter up at a hotel while they stay in town for a few days. My parents couldn’t make it tonight because they’re traveling Europe, but that’s okay. Chase’s parents are here.

Cassie’s currently taking a nap in the baby carrier I’m wearing. She’s basically walking now, but I still like to attach her to my chest whenever she’ll let me. I knowIsmell amazing, and I know all newborn heads smell good, but I swear they should make a candle that smells like this kid’s skull. That enticing baby fresh scent never went away. It’s my personal belief that her brain emits a delicious odor because it’s filled with brilliant, sweet, and spicy thoughts.

She has my beautiful brown eyes, my former nanny’s calm demeanor, and my wife’s beautiful, bossy loud mouth.

We’re expecting to one day nickname her Sassy Cassie, but lately it has been Gassy Cassie, to our great misfortune. Seriously, she’s as explosive as her parents’ chemistry. We’re working on getting her to talk less while she’s eating. She mostly says “Ja-po!” over and over while cramming food into the general area of her mouth and pointing at the dog, who follows her everywhere. Roxy assumes she’s saying Jackpot, but it’s obvious to me that she’s trying to say “Keaton.” Maybe even “asshole,” which is what her mommy calls me every now and then when she forgets my name. Hormones and all that.

In a few years, Cassie will be going to the same preschool as Franny McKay, Edward “Don’t Call Him Eddie” McGovern, and Davina Devlin. There are currently four strollers in our house. There was definitely something in the water over there in Antigua. And Indiana. We all spent so much time at the maternity ward over a three-month period that the nurses started calling us The Mat Pack. “Mat” was supposedly short for maternity, but I think they all had a crush on McGovern. Whatever. They’ll all be on Team Keaton by the end of the summer.

Cassie will always be surrounded by her best friends, and so will we.

One plus one equals infinity.

After the uproar aboutSevenfinally dies down, Roxy gets up to pick out a kids’ movie title. Her baby bump has started to show, and I think all of her life-giving curves are the sexiest thing ever. She’s due again in less than five months, and we’re so excited to be having a boy that she’s almost forgiven me for knocking her up sooner than we had planned. What can I say? My sperm is very seductive and also, I couldn’t wait to see if her boobs will get even bigger this time. For scientific reasons.

She bends forward to pick out a piece of paper from the basket on the coffee table, giving me a private glimpse of her magnificent cleavage, bless her heart.

One second after glancing at the paper, she nods her head and steps over to the dry erase board, picks up the pen, and nods at Vince to flip over the hourglass.