Page 99 of The Plus Ones
We remind me of my parents all of a sudden. I love our dynamic, but I know we still aren’t out of the woods yet. I still need to have an actual grown-up relationship talk with him, and it could still ruin everything.
“Wait for me here,” I say to him.
He rolls his eyes and stands in the living room, watching the kids get their faces painted likeMonsters, Inccharacters while theTrollssoundtrack plays at a respectable volume from the house speakers. I go to the kitchen to grab two bottles of the Blue Moon beer that I brought this morning. When I come out again, I nod for him to follow me. There is just enough controlled chaos in here that we can slip out for a while unnoticed.
“Come outside with me.” I hold both bottles by their necks in one hand and lead him to the back patio with the other. We’re both wearing sweaters and it is not quite cold enough to have to put on a coat. It’s not exactly warm out, but it is sunny, and the snow has melted.
“Where are we going?” he grumbles.
“Here. Look, dummy,” I say, tilting my chin up at the sky. “It’s the first sunny day after a long winter.” I hand him an open bottle and sit down on one of the patio chairs, gesturing for him to take a seat in the other. “It’s not warm, but we’re going to have a beer outside.”
He sits down, grinning. “Utepils.” He’s getting it now. He scoots his chair closer to mine so we’re knee to knee.
I look right at him, taking a deep breath before launching into it. “I’ve been trying so hard to find some perfect, dazzling thing to say to you. I don’t know how you suddenly managed to start saying the exact right thing to me at the right time a few weeks ago, but you make it seem easy. And it isn’t. It’s really hard. I didn’t find a word. I don’t have the words. I don’t know how to say what you mean to me. In any language.” I shrug and clink my beer bottle with his. “I love you. So much. I’m so in love with you. I’m sorry I haven’t said it before, but I promise I’ll never stop saying it if you stick with me.”
He inhales and opens his mouth, but I cover it with my hand.
“Let me get all of this out first.” I wait for him to nod in agreement before moving my hand away, sighing.
“I thought I was pregnant. For like, a day. Long story short—I’m on the pill, as you know—but I didn’t get a period. And I also didn’t get a plus sign on the pee stick. But for the first time ever, I wasn’t afraid of a plus sign. I went to the gynecologist and they did an ultrasound, just to be safe once we knew I wasn’t pregnant, but the doctor said sometimes you just don’t get a period after being on the pill for a while and that’s totally normal. I’m sorry, is that TMI?”
He looks so confused right now and maybe even angry. Shit. What have I done?
“That’swhy you haven’t returned my calls?”
“I didn’t want to talk to you until I knew what to tell you. Until I could tell you everything, and I wanted to do it in person.”
“Fudging hell, Ute. There is no TMI when it comes to you and me. Why don’t you get that? What do I have to say or do to be the first person you call, no matter what?”
I place the palm of my hand over his heart, and we both lean forward so I can rest my forehead against his. “Is there no untranslatable word for this?”
“There’s I love you. I fudging love you, and you aren’t allowed to not call me just because you don’t know what to say. How’s that?”
“Adequate.”
He pulls his head back so he can look at my face. “Are you saying you were hoping to be pregnant? With my kid?”
“I’m saying it wouldn’t have been terrible if I were. But I’m not.”
“Goddammit, Roxy Carter. I would put such an immature entitled ass of a baby in you if you let me.”
“But you want a bunch of kids, and I don’t know if I can have that many at this point. Is this… Oh God, I guess I have to ask—is this a deal breaker for you?”
He doesn’t even hesitate to answer. “Woman. I would have no problem adopting a kid who wasn’t born with my amazing genetic characteristics, but I think the world deserves at least one person with your charming personality and my looks, don’t you?”
I nod and take a swig of my beer.
“Are you crying?” he asks.
“I’m processing some emotions in a totally cool and masculine way.”
He wipes away the tear and takes my free hand in his. “We deal with everything that we need to deal with together from now on. Get it?”
I nod again. “I get it.”
We both turn to look back inside the apartment from the patio. All those happy kids and parents inside. I flash back to the night of the wedding, the two of us out there on the deck while everyone else was inside and how it felt like we were so separate from all that joyful togetherness that was going on without us. But it’s not like that anymore.
“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m your plus one, Roxy Carter. I’m your emergency contact. I’m your everything. And one of these days, I’m going to be your husband and the father of your child or children. So get used to it. And you know what—fuck it—now that we’re on the subject…” He pulls a small velvet box from the pocket of his blazer. “Get used to wearing this.”
