Page 95 of The Plus Ones
“Nope! Fuck, I miss being twenty-eight. Being almost thirty-five sucks all the donkey balls.”
She puts the cheese down on the counter and crosses her arms in front of her chest. I am entirely sure that she is loving this—being the calm, rational one in our relationship, after all my years of unsolicited advice-giving wiseassery whenever she found herself in a dating situation that just made me laugh.
God, I miss those days.
Or do I?
Is part of me loving this angsty little minidrama that’s playing out in my brain too? Because it has been so long since I felt anything even remotely like this, anything even remotely this much. Because ofKeaton fucking Bridges.
“Roxy. What are you hoping the result will be?”
I take a deep, shaky breath before answering, because I haven’t really even allowed myself to form this thought in my head until now. “A plus sign. I wasn’t planning for it and it’s way too soon, but for the first time ever, I wouldn’t mind if it’s a plus sign.” And that’s when I finally let myself cry. For the first time since Finn was born, I cry like a big baby.
Aimee has wrapped me in her arms, and I just hang there like I ragdoll.
When I got to work this morning and looked at my calendar, I’d realized that it was time to start a new pack of birth control pills, and that was also when I’d realized that I never got a period. I’d been so caught up in being with Keaton that I lost track of pretty much anything that wasn’t scheduled into my calendar or right in front of me. It doesn’t even make sense that I’d get pregnant because I never missed a pill, but with the traveling and everything…I haven’t been taking it every twenty-four hours for the past few weeks. You never know. Knowing Keaton, he probably has exceptionally persistent and charming sperm. They’d be all: “All right, egg, here’s how it’s going down. I’m going to penetrate you, and you’re going to love it, and I’m just gonna wait here until it happens. And it. Will. Happen.”
“I want you to get what you want, Rox, but I’m just going to say that even if you don’t get a plus sign this time, that doesn’t mean you won’t another time.”
“I know, I know. But he wants a bunch of kids, and how the hell is he going to do that if he’s with me? I would have to have a baby every year. I’d have to quit my job.”
“Well, now you’re getting way ahead of yourself.”
“I just want to give him what he wants,” I sob into her neck. “What if I can’t?”
“You haven’t asked him ifnothaving a bunch of kids is a deal breaker for him, though, have you?”
I snort. “If I ever have that kind of conversation with anyone, please shoot me.”
“Roxanne. You are in a serious adult relationship with Keaton. That’s the kind of conversation that serious adults who are in relationships have when they’re almost thirty-five.”
“Ugh.” I pull away from her, wipe my eyes, and slouch my shoulders while moaning just like Finn did. “But we haven’t had enough fun yet.”
She hands me a paper towel. “Oh really? That’s not what it sounded like on Valentine’s Day when you were screaming so loud you woke up the whole island.”
I laugh so hard while blowing my nose, I think some of my mushy brain came shooting out. “You heard that?”
“I’m pretty sure everyone in the Caribbean heard it.”
Thinking of that shower at the resort reminds me of what’s waiting for me on my bathroom counter. “Shit. It’s been way longer than five minutes since I peed on it. I’ll have to do it again.”
“Do you have another one?”
“I bought five boxes.”
“Atta girl. Want me to come with you?”
I shake my head. “But don’t leave until I come out, okay?”
“Please. I’ll be right here until you kick us out. And remember—it’ll be fine either way.”
My hand is trembling as I reach for the doorknob to my bathroom. I don’t know why I’ve gotten so worked up and convinced myself that the future of my relationship with Keaton depends on what a plastic stick tells me today. I just know that I want Keaton, and I want Keaton to have what he wants, and I want him to want me, but I don’t know if I can give him everything that he wants and deserves, and that feels terrible.
I inhale, slow and deep, remembering the Zoltar Speaks card that Chase gave me. Winds of change. Soon everything will come down to a better order. It’ll be fine. Plus or minus. Now or later. Me and Keaton. I open the door and look right at the plastic stick on the counter.
It’ll be fine.
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