Page 50 of The Plus Ones
“It’s a ceiling lamp.National Lampoon’s Vacation.”
Then she draws a crescent shape.
“It’s a moon.Apollo 13.Man on the Moon.First Man.”
She shakes her head vehemently and then draws a big nose with something in its nostril.
“A nose—is that a booger?Boogie Nights!”
They almost get another point forHome Alone, but time runs out and Chase is getting laid tonight no matter what, so what does he care. I slow clap for him.
“Well done, you two! Three points!” the manager says. “Up next we have Keaton and Roxy! Well, well, well!”
I do not like the way this guy is eyeing my fake girlfriend.
“You want to draw first?” I ask her.
“Damn right I do,” she says. “Don’t blow it.” She erases the board and carefully picks out an index card, stares at it, frowns at me, puts the card facedown on the table, and then nods at the manager to start the timer. She draws what is obviously some kind of bird.
“It’s a bird,” I say.
She signals for me to keep going.
“It’s a swan.Black Swan.”
She shakes her head and finishes drawing the bird.
“It’s a duck.Mighty Ducks. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
She scowls at me.
“Angry Birds.”
She draws an arrow through the bird and blood spilling out of it.
“Whoa. It’s a dead bird.To Kill a Mockingbird!”
“Yes!”
She grabs another card and erases the board, and I start pumping my fist like an idiot. “Yeah, babe!”
She furrows her brow at me while she rapidly draws a stick figure in a dress, sitting on a chair, with its legs spread out, and then she draws what looks like a vertical mouth in between the woman’s legs.
“Basic Instinct.”
“Yes!”
We still have time for one more—she grabs a card, frantically erases the board, and then draws two circles, colors in one of them, and then draws what is obviously a pill bottle and then a question mark over the circles.
“They’re pills, two pills—The Matrix!”
“Time!”
“How the hell?” Bernie shouts out.
“Do you choose the red pill or the blue pill?” I say.Obviously.
I get up to grab Roxy and kiss her, fast and hard, on the mouth, and she doesn’t even resist it because we are the best couple here and everyone else can suck it.
