Page 40 of The Plus Ones
I can’t explain why this makes me so happy, but it does.
“Roxy,” I say. I don’t reach over to touch her, because I totally believe she’d stab me if I did, but I keep saying her name over and over until she finally stirs.
When she opens her eyes, she is understandably confused to see me, and when she realizes I’m laughing at her, she is understandably annoyed. “What?”
“You’re snoring.”
“What? Shut up. I wasn’t even asleep.”
“You shut up. You were asleep. And you were snoring. Really loud.”
“I don’t snore.”
“Oh, but you do.”
“That’s not possible.”
“You honestly think I’m lying about this? Why would I?”
“Why would I snore?”
“I don’t think you’re doing it on purpose.”
“Well…was it like a quiet little snore, like I have a stuffed nose or something?”
“Have you ever heard Daisy the dog snore?”
“Yeah, it’s sweet.”
“What you were doing was nothing like that. It was like lying next to an erupting volcano.”
She laughs. “I still don’t believe you.”
“Try sleeping on your side.”
“I don't want to sleep on my side. My mom's been sleeping on her side her whole life, and now she has wrinkly skin on her chest.”
“Does she snore?”
“I don't think so.”
“How long have your parents been married?”
“Almost forty years.”
“And you're not even willing to try sleeping on your side for one night?”
“Believe it or not, I am not trying to maintain a forty-year marriage to you.”
“Yet.”
“Hah.”
“It’s probably just because of the alcohol. You drank a lot today. And by the way, you really are quite adept at holding your liquor. I’m impressed.”
“Told you.”
“But it makes you snore.”
