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“Be reasonable, Lily. You’ve had your fun. It’s time to get serious about your life. I’m offering you a clear path to success within my company.”
Oh my God. Why is it so hard for us? Why can’t you offer me a clear path to success at being your daughter?
“Why did you want me to be Wes’s assistant?”
He looks completely shocked that I’ve actually asked him a question that really matters to me for once. “Because you needed a job and his assistant was leaving.”
“Really? It didn’t even occur to you that it might be ‘distracting’ to me? Or humiliating for me? Or awkward for me? Or for him? Was this some kind of weird test? Did I pass or fail? Did Wes pass or fail? I don’t understand what your end game was here.”
I have to say, my dad looks genuinely confused right now. I’d feel a little bad for him if I weren’t so fucking angry and confused myself. “I really don’t know what you’re asking me.”
“You don’t? So you actually just didn’t think about my feelings at all? Ever? Not five years ago when I was leaving my cat and a letter on the Carver’s porch, and not when you offered me a job, and not now that you’re trying to ruin everything when I’m finally happy with the way things are going in my life?” I haven’t raised my voice. I’m not getting emotional. I just want answers. I just want all the things my father is incapable of giving me.
“Lily. We are in my office. During office hours. Stick to the subject. Do you want to stay on at the Barnes Group or not?”
I take a deep breath before answering. “Not.”
He grits his teeth. “You’ve barely even lasted two full weeks at this job.”
“And yet, somehow I feel like my whole life has changed in that period of time. Or at least the way I see it.”
“You realize this means I’m not changing the terms of the trust fund?”
“Yeah. I realize that.”
My father shuts his eyes and rubs his temples. I’m probably giving him a migraine. My parting gift. “I don’t understand what you want, Lily.”
“I know. I guess you don’t have to.”
“Just tell me what you want.”
“I want my mother back. I want a father who just wants me to be happy. But now I think I can still have a pretty great life without those things. So, should I talk to HR? I should finish out the day with Wes, right? Do I need to stay on until he finds a new assistant?” I stand up and pat the invisible dust off my hands. My dad remains seated, and for the first time in my life, he looks so small to me.
“I’m sure they can get him a temp.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll have my stuff out of the house tonight, then.”
“I didn’t ask you to move out of the house.”
“You never had to,” I say as I walk out of his office.
I hear him call out, his voice so hoarse, “Lily!”
But I’m not going back.
Over and over lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m coming apart. Now I think all of the walls I’d built up and all of the things I used to cling to had to come crashing down so that I can build something new. It’s a good thing. I’m just a bit stunned right now because all of a sudden, I’m walking alone through the wreckage. But maybe, one day, I can build a new home. With Wes.
I’m still in a daze when I get back to my desk.
Wes is pacing around in his office and comes over as soon as he sees me. “What happened? What’d he say?”
I start rearranging everything on my desk because it’s easier than sorting out my feelings. “I quit. Sorry. I’ll finish out the day, but he said they could probably get you a temp?”
“Shit.”
“Don’t worry. I didn’t tell him about us. But I think he must know something anyway.”
“It was fucking D-bag Dan. Shit. I shouldn’t have asked you to meet me there. I mean, I really think you saved the deal, but…”
