Page 97 of Come Back to Bed
You’re good out of bed.
I think about you all the time.
I like thinking about you.
I’m glad I met you.
I don’t know if it would have been better if we’d met years earlier, or months later, but I’m glad I know you now.
I want to know more about you.
I want you to know more about me
I want a lot, when it comes to you, Bernadette. It surprises me. You surprise me.
I wish you were here in bed with me now.
I wish you were in bed with me all the time.
I want to crash through this wall between us.
I want to break all of your rules.
I want strings.
I’m getting attached.
You’re already the best girlfriend I’ve ever had and you don’t even want to be.
You are so talented, and I wish you were painting again.
Your paintings are mysterious and beautiful and calming and exciting, just like you.
You were so stunning in that dress, the first time I saw you.
I wanted so badly to kiss you that time when the power was out.
I want to kiss you right now, dammit.
Bernadette. Come back to bed.
I can barely read the words anymore because tears are squirting out of the corners of my eyes like windshield wiper fluid. These are definitely the best sentiments I have ever seen written on a Post-it Note. But I have no idea when he wrote them. Obviously, it was before he saw Vanessa again, before I told him about Hudson Valley.
What I do know, is that he felt these things at some point.
What I do know, is that despite how wonderful he is, I’m still somehow afraid of all the things that I feel for him.
What I do know, is that I need to get back to my first love and become my whole self again. I need to find the artist that I buried, back where it was born, and finally open the fucking channels so that I can love Matt fearlessly and with my whole heart. The way that he deserves to be loved. With all the colors and shades and tones and textures.
If he ever wants me again.
