Page 95 of Come Back to Bed
This is what the McGoverns do. When there are emotions to be processed, we get moving. My parents have never had a fight, they just play tennis and golf until one of them feels like a winner. I used to surf, now I work out on land. By the time I’m done working through this mess of feelings, I’ll have a ten-pack.
* * *
When Daisy and I leave the townhouse for the last time, Bernadette is gone.
We didn’t cross paths at all the last couple of days, and I didn’t even hear her next door. I was so busy getting utilities and everything else set up at the new place, arranging to have my stuff moved out of storage—because I never ask my assistant to do personal stuff for me (like some asshole bosses). It was when I was ordering a new bed online that it really hit me just how strange it would be, to be living on my own again. Just me and my dog. Not that Bernadette was ever officially living with us, but it did feel like it for a while.
It's only been a few months, so it’s surprising to me just how much this townhouse has come to feel like home to me. I don’t think Daisy will miss all of the stairs, though. I leave a gift for Dolly, after making sure there are no dog smells or stains left anywhere. I even slipped a thank you card under Mrs. Benson’s door.
I don’t let my aunt know that I won’t be giving her spare key directly to Bernadette. I leave it in an envelope and slide it under Bernadette’s door on Saturday, with a note that has my new address and a photo I had printed of her with Daisy in the park. There were a million things I thought about writing in the note, but in the end, it was justThis is where we’ll beand the new address.
“This is where we’ll be moping around and thinking about you,” is what I could have written.
“This is where we’ll be playing sad guitar and missing you.”
“This is where you should be.”
Daisy looks up at me, whines, and shakes her head, as if to say: “You fucking pussy. Not to be a drama queen, but you’re letting your one chance at real love slip away because you’re afraid she doesn’t want you as much as you want her. If you weren’t the guy who feeds me, I’d just pee on you.”
Women.
Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live next door to them, can’t imagine what life will be like without Bernadette in it.
But it looks like I might have to.
