Page 91 of Come Back to Bed
I could live there, I know I could.
It’s only a half hour from downtown Manhattan by subway, but it’s not super convenient to get there and back from the Upper West Side. It can sometimes take almost an hour, by subway or car. I could get out of my comfort zone. If I’ve learned anything this past month, it’s that getting out of my comfort zone feels good, at least when Matt’s there with me.
I just don’t know if he’ll still be with me or not, and that makes very uncomfortable.
“Wow, that sounds perfect,” I manage to say. “Daisy will love having a little garden of her own.”
“When do you move?” Mr. McGovern asks.
“This weekend,” Matt says, as he looks at me. “Before Dolly gets back.”
“Well, cheers to starting over,” his mother says as she raises her nearly-empty glass. “When things fall into place like that it’s because it’s meant to be.”
Matt’s parents ignore my trembling hand when I raise my glass, like the well-bred rich white people they are. My own parents would have rubbed CBD oil on the bottoms of my feet and badgered me about what I’m so nervous about until I cried by now. I can’t meet Matt’s gaze anymore, and the hand that he rests on my leg no longer feels reassuring, so much as it feels like he’s letting me down easy.
* * *
When Matt kisses my cheek as we say goodbye at the restaurant, he tells me we’ll “talk about everything after work.” I don’t have time to ask what “everything” is, because I need to get back to Sebastian’s place before three. I can’t believe I was going to ask him to stay with me. Turns out he can’t wait to get out of that building.
Location, location, location.
You’d think that it would matter less on such a small island as this, but it matters even more when people are looking to spend as few New York minutes as possible getting to where they need to go.
The question now is: do Matt and Ineedto be together? Without the neighborly convenience, do we make sense together at all?
My illustrious boss is waiting for me in front of the front door to his apartment when I get back. He’s talking on his phone, probably just getting some fresh air. But still. It’s weird. He is relieved to see me and brings me to the living room. We never sit together in the living room.
He plants me down on the sofa and takes a seat on the heavy wood coffee table across from me, leaning forward and sighing.
“I have some news,” he says.
Great! More news!
“What’s up?”
He rests his hand on my knee, and I only tense up a little bit. “I bought a house in Hudson Valley.”
“You did?”
“Yes.” He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and then runs his fingers through his hair in one sweep. I’ve always found it so sexy when he does that. Right now I like it because he has released my knee. “It’s in Catskill,” he continues. “Well, we haven’t closed yet, but I just found out that the inspection went well today, and I’m paying cash, so it will be mine very soon.”
“Yours…as a vacation home?”
“Mine as a new home.” He sighs. “I’m moving there.”
Fuck this day.
“I’m going to sell this place.” He doesn’t seem as excited as Matt did about his new place. He’s more sad. He looks around. I can tell he’s feeling nostalgic. “I’ll find a small apartment to keep in town as a pied-a-terre. I will miss this place, but I want to live in Hudson Valley. I can’t breathe here anymore. It’s why I wanted to have that party for my friends here. I had to say goodbye for now, to my New York life. I need to start a new chapter in my life.” His hand is on my knee again. “And I still want you to be an important part of the story. You’ve always been such an important part of my story, Bernadette, since you started working for me, but it was too hard for me to see you, with my head so far up my ass. I apologize for that.”
“Ohhh, you don’t have to apologize for anything. I’ve loved working for you.” My voice is cracking. Here come the nose tingles. “This has been a great job.”
“It can still be a great job, Bernadette. Come with me. Catskill—all of Hudson Valley—is a wonderful place for artists. You’ll love it, I know you will. You have to. I don’t know how I’ll get along without you.”
“But I don’t…I don’t know anyone there. Where would I…”
He sits on both of his hands now and looks down at the floor. “You can live with me.” He looks up to check my reaction before proceeding. I feel some flushed cheeks and an intense eye spasm coming on. “It’s a huge five-bedroom house on three acres, come, I’ll show you the website.” He gets up to grab his laptop from the office.
I can’t move, so he returns to the sofa with it. I don’t think I’ve breathed since he said the words “Come with me.” He is not the man I wanted to utter those three little words to me today.
