Page 44 of Come Back to Bed
10
Bernadette
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, all I want to do is get into bed. By myself. Because I should sleep on this and see how I feel tomorrow, when I’m fully sober. Truthfully, it’s not even the wine that’s been making me feel lightheaded all night, it’s Matt. I just need to sleep. I’m not even going to stay up long enough to get my laundry once it has dried. I’m just going to get into my pajamas and call it a night. My friendly neighborhood pajamas. Because that is what I wear when I get in bed by myself with my glass of wine and my Netflix.
But before I get really comfortable, it seems wise to check my phone five times and then tiptoe to the front door, just in case there’s a note…
There’s a note!
On the floor by the door.
I’ve never been so happy that there’s a slight gap between the bottom of the door and the hardwood floors.
Dear nutty neighbor: As a lawyer, I must clarify that I never made an offer. It was a suggestion regarding the possibility of a non-permanent, no-strings-attached arrangement between two consenting adults whose beds are separated by a wall.
As a man who shares your disdain for messy feelings, I applaud your confidence in your ability to not fall for me. Hold onto that. I’d also like to make it clear that I don’t care if you want to get over your crush on your boss or if you still hope he’ll realize you’re the woman of his dreams. That said, I definitely wasn’t thinking about my ex-girlfriend when I kissed you in the laundry room, and I’m quite sure you weren’t thinking about your boss.
As a dog daddy, I’m glad you’re so taken with my girl. But if you try to steal her, I will get all Liam Neeson up in your pretty face.
As a busy New Yorker, I think clear boundaries are hot. I have one hour free to blow your mind tonight. So turn off Netflix, put down that glass of wine, and let’s do this.
Yours for now,
Matt
Freaking know-it-all big-talking lawyer neighbors with their panty-vaporizing letter writing skills.
Thinks he knows exactly what I’m thinking and what I’m up to at all times. I haven’t turned on Netflix yet—so there! And he should know better than to promise an hour of mind-blowing sex to someone he hasn’t had sex with yet. What is he—a novice?
I put down my glass of wine, so I can text to let him know that I’m coming over to discuss this matter further. I grab my keys, check myself in the mirror and leave my apartment before changing my outfit or my mind.
Matt slowly opens his door and watches me shuffle over, barefoot. He backs up against the door, allowing me to step inside. When he shuts the door, he says: “Nice pajamas.”
“Nice note.”
“Right back atcha.”
“I’ve never done this with a neighbor before—for good reasons.”
“What reasons?”
Because I’ve never had a neighbor as hot as you before.
“Because it’s too close for comfort. But also convenient, yes. I get that.”
“Good. Any other concerns?”
“I just want to be clear about this…”
“Go on.”
“Whether I get it on with someone or not has nothing to do with Sebastian. Well, it does, but not in the way you think. It’s just that I spend every day talking to him about him and doing things for him, and I don’t have the bandwidth to be in another thing where I have to talk to a guy about his life and his feelings. And I don’t want to have to compromise or figure out his needs or any of that crap that you have to do when you’re dating someone.”
“That does sound like crap.”
“I just want a guy that I can have orgasms with.”
“I’m the guy. You talk an awful lot for someone who says she doesn’t want to talk about stuff.”
