Page 51 of Hello Darling
“Wait—Stella. Just…Give me a minute to process this. It’s like you’re telling me a new planet’s been discovered but you don’t have a picture of it to back it up, so I’m like. Okay…”
“I don’t have a dick pic to show you. Mona.”
“Dammit!”
She holds her phone up closer to her face, to inspect me closer. “Holy shit. This is real, isn’t it?”
I nod.
“Holy shit. HOLY shit.” After about three seconds she bursts out laughing. I have to look away from the screen because her phone is shaking so much. “He is literally the opposite of your type!”
“No kidding.” This is why I called Mona. She gets it. She’ll talk some sense into me. “It’s crazy right?”
“I mean…I’m…I’m honestly so happy for you, but also my ears are burning up and I might hate you a little.”
“Trust me, I hate me a lot right now.”
“Shit. Stella. If you aren’t enjoying this, I will murder you. I will slowly drown you with the tears of the millions of females on earth who would give their left tit just to kiss Evan Hunter and hear him say their name—and you’re ‘shagging’ him on a regular basis at his rental home?’”
“I know. I’m such an asshole. I have no idea why he’s wasting his time with me.”
“Oh my God stop it right now. You’re amazing. You’re a fucking peach and any guy would be lucky to have you, but shit, I am so jealous right now. I mean, I love Rob, he totally gets me, the sex is still good, we'll probably get married next year, blah blah blah. But Christ, please just tell me Evan Hunter has a tiny pencil dick and he's pathetic in bed so I can go on living my life.”
That's when I freely start crying. I am so glad I don't wear mascara.
“Oh fuck, Stella. Youarein love.”
“What?” I wipe my nose and my eyes. “No I'm not. It's not serious, it's just really fun. He's nice. And he's...really, really incredible in bed. Like so incredible. Like there are no words for how incredible he is in bed. He’s just too good to be true, and it would honestly be a relief if he turns out to be some serial killer who harvests my organs while I’m still alive or something.”
“Jesus. Stella.”
“And his cock is so damn big and beautiful I can’t stop thinking about it—”
“Okay that’s enough. You got it so bad, girl. Now I’m glad I’m not you, so thanks. It sounds really terrible. I bet you can’t wait for him to leave town.”
A fresh bucket of hot tears gets dumped on my cheeks and I can’t wipe them away fast enough.
“I don’t know why I’m crying, this is so weird.”
“Oh, buddy.” I hear her sigh, but I can’t see her through this stupid eye waterfall.
“I just keep thinking about how much my mom would love him.”
“Yeah. She would. And you know what else?”
I make a little croaking sound that’s supposed to mean “What?”
“She would hate that you’re not enjoying this while you can.”
“I am, I really am. It’s fun. I swear I’m having fun, it’s just that you’re the first person I’ve talked to about it, and I haven’t talked to you in so long, I’m just having a weird meltdown, that’s all.”
“Uh huh. Let it out, babe. I got all day for this. Except I have to get back to my desk in five minutes.”
“Shit. I do too. I’m sorry—let’s talk about you, seriously. How’s work? How’s Rob.”
“Yeah, you know. There are no words for how incredible it all is.” She laughs.
“I miss you.”
