Page 76 of Hello Darling
“Oh good because you totally should be. So that’s all you do? Manage the gym?”
“I’m also a yoga instructor.”
“Really? Wow that’s amazing.” She scans me up and down, probably comparing me to the yoga instructors she’s seen in L.A. and wondering if I ate one of them for dinner.
“Is it?”
“Oh and let’s just address the elephant in the room,” she leans in, lowering her voice, and I’m pretty sure the elephant she’s talking about is me. “I hope you know that there has never been anything going on between me and Evan. I’m like, pathetically single, but he’s such a gentleman and so professional.” She pats me on the arm. “I know there were pictures of us online a while ago, but obviously it was just from when we were in character.”
“Oh, I know,” I say. “He told me.”
“Oh.” She seems disappointed for about two seconds, and then shakes it off. “He’s such a good actor. Do you act?”
“Do I act? Like do I want to be an actress? No. Never.”
“Really?” She seems to find this even harder to believe than the fact that I’m a yoga instructor. “Not even when you were younger?”
“Nope.”
“Did you always want to work at a gym, then? And by the way, I’m totally interviewing you right now.”
“For what?”
“For my character research. I’m playing a local, you know, small town girl. I mean I only have like four scenes left to shoot, but it would be so helpful if I could just get inside your head.”
“Really? Because I keep trying to get out of it.”
“Hah! Please please please just a few questions. Like I guess the thing that I have trouble understanding is—why does she stay? I mean, my character. Like, she’s born here and she has a job here, but this is the Twenty-first Century. Right?”
“Last time I checked.”
“I mean nobody’s making her stay here. She’s single. She doesn’t have a kid. She doesn’t have old parents to look after. She could go anywhere. But she’s here.”
“What does your character do?” I glance over at Evan, hoping to be rescued, but he’s clearly in the middle of some animated storytelling and has about eight people totally captivated.
“She’s a waitress. That’s how she meets Evan’s character. But there’s nothing in the script about her dreaming of being something else one day. She’s just a waitress. Which is so fascinating to me.”
“Uh huh.”
“But my theory is that she secretly wants to be whisked away from her life here. Which is why fate brings her this British guy who’s hiding out here.”
“Oh yeah? That makes sense. For your character.”
“Because you know, it’s my job to understand what my character wants. And it’s a good script, oh my God it’s a great script, and I’m so lucky to have this part. But you know, the love interest roles are never fleshed-out in this kind of film. So it’s my job to figure out the want.”
My throat is constricting and my stupid sweater dress is making me warm again. “Well it sounds to me like you’ve got it all figured out, Jess,” I say, and smile at her in the shiniest most superficial fake-y way I can manage. When I scan the room, trying to find my exit strategy, I feel that fate has brought one to me in the form of hilarious irony.
“You know,” I say to her, conspiratorially. “If you are single, I think maybe the best way for you to understand why someone likeyour characterwould stick around a town like this, is to get to know the awesome guys who live here. If you’re interested, I could introduce you to the most eligible bachelor in Port Gladstone…”
She follows my gaze as I turn to make eye contact with Jason Kwasnicki. I don’t know if he actually got paid for the photos, but he did clearly just get a professional haircut for the first time since prom, so Jess seems genuinely intrigued when she says that she would indeed like to meet this guy so she can do more character research. I look back at Evan while I pull Jess over to Kwas, and I can tell that he knows exactly what I’m doing and he approves of it.
I really do hope that Jess understands why a young woman would want to stay in a cute small town in the Twenty-first Century. For the benefit of Evan’s film. And I really, seriously hope she doesn’t get the STD that Kwas was rumored to have last year, but I hear the actor’s guild has great health coverage.
Half an hour later, Evan and I are back at my place and taking each other’s clothes off before we’re inside. “I’ll come visit you,” I say, as he’s kissing my neck and pulling my sweater dress over my head.
“What?” His eyes are gleaming and he seems so taken aback.
I continue to undo his belt as I repeat myself: “I’ll come visit you. After Christmas. For a holiday. Let’s spend New Year’s together.”
