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“Hi, Andrew. Long time.”You cheated on my girl, you dick.
He patted me on the shoulder while shaking my hand, and kissed Gemma on the cheek in a way that I swear was proprietary. He didn’t have a date. When he asked us what he could get us from the bar, I insisted I’d get the drinks for us. It was an open bar, but still.
Gemma recommended the whiskey sour, so that’s what I got us both. When we were seated at the dining table next to Andrew and nine twentysomething people who were surprised to learn that he and Gemma were no longer dating, I was already onto my second cocktail, but I did not imagine the suspicious looks that those people gave me, or his subtle insinuation that I was the reason they had broken up. The whiskey barely made all of the private jokes that Andrew kept bringing up more tolerable, and it definitely didn’t make me any more interested in all of the stories he kept telling about whacky fun times that he and Gemma and these other people at our table had shared together over the years. Holding Gemma’s hand under the table was the only thing that made this banquet bearable, and if she had just allowed my hand to slide further up her leg like it had on the plane to Vancouver, we both would have been more comfortable. I remembered that Gemma had said that people in Cleveland didn’t really care about what happened outside of The Cleve, but I didn’t believe it until now. I had never been met with so many blank stares when I answered the question: “So, what do you do?”
Andrew ordered me the fourth whiskey sour, which I finished during dessert, while he was standing up and giving a toast to Gemma’s parents. “Of course, my own parents are my favorite couple, but it’s no secret that I’ve always admiredyourrelationship, Mr. and Mrs. Kelly. You’ve always treated me like the son you never had, and it was my honor to grow up alongside this beautiful daughter that you raised.”Dick. You don’t deserve to be a part of that family.He let his hand linger on Gemma’s shoulder after he said that.
Gemma gave a really cute, very brief toast to her parents, and once all of the toasts were given, Andrew started to border on maudlin and kept leaning in to tell Gemma, in front of me, how much he missed her and he alluded to the last time that they were here at the country club together, and how they had made out in a bathroom. Gemma’s hand immediately went to my thigh, but when he referred to their text conversations—recent ones—about this party, about what he’d been going through in law school, she slowly pulled her hand away and watched me out of the corner of her eye.
I’d like to think that I had a pretty good poker face. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get too quiet. I don’t believe I was frowning, and I certainly didn’t say anything offensive. I counted slowly to a hundred, and once the band started playing and people started going out onto the dance floor, I excused myself from the table to check my phone and get some fresh air. When Gemma asked if I wanted her to join me, I said sure, but Andrew asked me if I’d spare her for one dance while I was “checking business messages.”
“It’s all up to Gemma,” I said, just as Andrew and Gemma’s parents came over and encouraged us to join them on the dance floor. Andrew put his arm around her shoulder and led her away from me, and I gave her a reassuring wink when she looked back at me, over her shoulder.
“Just one dance,” she mouthed to me, holding up her index finger.
“Come find me,” I mouthed back, tossing my head in the direction of the patio doors.
It was a nice night, and the back lawn was vast and quiet. I was able to respond to twelve emails before I heard the patio door open, and Gemma’s voice behind me. I could tell from her tone that she was annoyed, and when I turned around I could see why. Andrew was hanging all over her, whispering something in her ear.
“Hang on hang on!” he said, laughing, and yanking her back as she tried to come join me.
She stopped in her tracks and whispered “What?!” in a snappy voice.
Andrew said “awwww, Gem,” as he leaned in to hug her, pulling her in way too forcefully and—God help me—sliding his hands down to her ass.
“Hey!” I said, stomping over to them and pulling him away from her. I could feel myself hulking out, and like the Incredible Hulk, I was powerless to stop it. “You don’t get to cheat on my wife and then hug her like that!”
He snort-laughed. I shoved him backwards, and he almost lost his balance. Out of the corner of one eye, I could see Gemma’s hands cover her mouth and out of the corner of the other eye, I could see Andrew’s fist awkwardly coming at my face. I caught his wrist midair and then punched his face. It all happened very fast—a reflex.
“Oh shit!” Gemma exclaimed.
I had only punched one other face in my life—some drunk asshole at a high school graduation party—but Andrew’s face was a lot bonier than it looked. I cursed to myself and shook out my hand. It’s not like I had hit him all that hard. I could tell he wasn’t really in pain, just pissed off.
“Fuck you,” he said. But he didn’t come after me. “I’ll report you to the authorities for marriage fraud you asshole—you can still be deported!”
“It’s not marriage fraud, Andrew! We’ve been together—really together for weeks. I love him. I always did.”
“You’re already married?” I didn’t recognize the voice in the background, but Andrew and Gemma obviously did.
We all looked back at Andrew’s mother, who was coming towards her son, but looking at Gemma. Andrew’s father was being held back by Mr. and Mrs. Kelly. They must have seen and heard everything from the open patio door.
“They’ve been secretly married for three years,” Andrew said, letting his mother put her hands on his face to make sure he wasn’t bleeding. “She married him so he could get a green card.”
“What? I don’t understand. Is that true, Gemma? While you were still with Andrew?”
“Yes,” Gemma said. “It’s—it’s not like it sounds—it’s complicated.”
“Did you know about this?” Andrew’s mother looked back at Gemma’s parents.
“Let’s not let this ruin the party, we’ll explain. Come inside.” Gemma’s mother waved for us all to come in, or at least for Andrew’s mother to.
“Shame on you!” Andrew’s mother said to me, spitting out the words. She was shaking, and I did feel ashamed, for doing this in front of Gemma’s parents. They probably didn’t catch the part where he was feeling Gemma up and trying to punch me first. I didn’t want to ruin this party. I just wanted to wipe that smug look off Andrew’s face.
I caught Mrs. Kelly’s eye and tried to wordlessly convey how sorry I was. Mr. Kelly wouldn’t even look at me. I felt sick to my stomach.
“You coming?” Andrew asked Gemma, ignoring me.
“No! I can’t believe you said that, Andrew!”
