Page 79 of Green
Part of me knew that I shouldn’t ask, but I had to know. “How did you learn to do it like that?”
She blushed and covered her face, shaking her head.
“Tell me.”
“Did you like it?”
“Gemma. The word ‘like’ doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt about that. No words can.”
“Good…Andrew made me watch a porno once, to show me how to do it.”
I raised myself up on my elbows. “You didthatto him and he still cheated on you?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t do it very often.”
“Baby. Nothing that you did or didn’t do was a good enough reason for him to —”
“Yeah yeah I know. I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Me neither.”I also don’t want to think about you doing that to him but now I may never be able to stop.
“I guess…Andrew just wasn’t very expressive, so I could never tell if I was good or not. But I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Let’s never talk about him again.”
I kissed her, long and hard, to erase his name from her lips.
“I love you,” I groaned. Groaned. Like it hurt me. It did. I ached for her, even when our skin touched, it never felt like quite enough. So different from the soft and sweet “love you” we had said to each other a handful of times over the years.
“I love you,” she said, so quietly that I barely heard her.
* * *
Before dinner, when I got out of the shower, I saw Gemma looking at her phone while she was changing in the bedroom. As soon as she saw me, she closed the app and turned her phone over. I had been hoping for a different kind of reaction when she saw me naked, running my fingers through my wet hair, with a towel wrapped around my waist.
I laughed. “What?”
“Nothing. Just a work email.”
“A job offer?”
“An opportunity. I’d still have to meet with the production designer. It’s just a short film, but it would add another set designer credit to my resume. I’ll look into it when we get back to LA. Could be good.”
“Is Ben the one who emailed you about it?”
“Yes. The director’s a friend of Ben’s.”
“You should take the job.”
“It’s all on location. In Big Bear. Ben would be there.”
I managed to unclench my jaw to say: “Cool. Sounds like a good gig.”
“We’ll see. Should we go for a walk in the village or something?”
“I want you to take the job. I want to make this work. I want you to go to work without having to worry about me being a jealous maniac. I’ll be cool.”
“Yeah, cool. I’ll think about it when we get back to L.A.”
I walked over to her and put my arms around her. “I love you, Gem. Nope. I lied. I just lied. I’m head-over-heels, so crazy deep in love with you. I had no idea it was possible to feel like this. I don’t want to fuck it up…Oh shit.” I fucked up.
“What?!”
“It’s fine. I just realized I had a conference call scheduled. Where’s my phone? It’s fine.” It was insane that I had gone so long without checking my phone, but she had literally blown my mind earlier.
She looked very concerned. “That is…unlike you.”
“We’ll just reschedule, it’s not a big deal.” It was with one of my investors. It wasn’tnota big deal. “You know what, I’m gonna see if we can get him on the phone now. I’ll say I didn’t have a signal. I’m on vacation, he’ll understand.”
She nodded, and I could tell she was trying not to look worried as she watched me scroll through my messages when I finally found my phone. I was able to get back on track with my investor, and Gemma and I were able to get back on track with our vacation not long afterwards. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that we would be able to stay on that track forever, but one always hopes.
