Page 61 of Green
Chloe: My boss just asked me to read aloud our text convo. She says you need to go slutty or go home. She’s right about everything. Meet you at our spot at the Grove at seven. Gotta go. Xo
I was in the dressing room at Nordstrom, trying on a pretty sundress, and trying to figure out why the woman in that mirror was so much fatter and uglier than the one in my mirror at home, when a hand that belonged to Chloe shoved a little black dress in my face.
“This is the one. Put this on.”
I could tell that it was made from at least ten percent spandex, and it had a bustier top with a cutout back.
“This is bordering on slutty.”
“Shut yo mouth girl. Nordstrom does not sell slutty. It’s a body-con dress. So Theo will be conscious of your body in it. Put it on.”
“I am not pro this body-con dress.”
“Put. The. Body-con. On.”
I removed the pretty sundress and searched for a zipper on the little black dress. No such luck. I stepped into it and tried to pull it up past my hips, but the dress was like—no.
“You slip it on over your head,” Chloe stage whispered from right outside my dressing room.
“I don’t think this is casual enough for the event.”
“It will be if you throw a loose blouse over it. But you let Theo see you in just the dress first. Know what I mean?”
I struggled to get the stretchy rib knit dress down past my thighs. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Somehow, Chloe knew that I was talking about Theo and not the dress. “Okay, well how about we do a pros and cons list regarding you and Theo dating. I’ll list the pros. One. He’s legally your husband. Two. He’s your best friend. Three. He’s your best friend who is also legally your husband. Four. He’s fucking hot. Five. He’s worth millions. Six. He is crazy about you. Seven. You haven’t had sex in what—a century?”
“I hate you.”
“Care to do the cons list?”
“I’m stuck.”
“Exactly. You’ve been stuck in a rut for a year. This is your chance to get out of it. Now or never. That’s a pro.”
“No—I’m stuck in this dress. I’m going to die in this fucking thing!”
“I’m coming in.” Chloe entered to find me trembling with rage and unable to cover my breasts with my hands, because my hands were stuck inside the narrow coffin of stretchy black fabric. One of my boobs was popping out over the bustier-style under-wiring and the other was smushed-up against the back of my arm. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing too loud. The combination of offensive dressing room lighting, non-user-friendly dress design and tension about the date was making my blood boil.
“I really hate the world right now.”
“Actually, this is such a casual look, you won’t even need the blouse.”
“Get me out of here.”
“I’m just going to take one picture.”
“Chloe.”
“I swear to God I’m not being funny here—your tatas look amazing. If you send Theo this picture his cock will erupt. They’ll have to evacuate people from their houses for miles around him.”
“That’s gross and I’m going to kill you if you don’t get me out of this thing.”
“I’m not going to get you out of it, I’m going to get you into it the right way.”
She scrunched up her face while wrestling with the dress, and managed to get my arms through the proper straps and my boobs into proper alignment.
“Wow. I’m serious, this is the dress.”
