Page 44 of Green
“Get what? Oh my God. A piece of paper that states you’re an American citizen.”
“Oh yeah, I did.”
“Fuck yea, America! Right?”
“Yee haw.”
“Are you okay? Why aren’t you more excited?”
“I’m totally excited.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I paced around and said “hey” to a couple of joggers who were passing me from the opposite direction.
“Oh my God, are you out running? Did you stop mid-run to call me? What’s going on?”
“Nothing, I was just…Fuck. I just wanted to casually ask you something about Gemma.”
Silence on her end.
“Hello?”
“Yup. Cool. What’s up?”
She sounded like she was trying really hard not to sound excited. Like she’d been waiting for this conversation for years. Or maybe I was reading too much into it. I heard her shut her office door.
“I was just wondering if she’s mentioned anything about dating-type stuff to you lately.”
“Holy fuck it’s happening! Oh my God it’s happening! Yes!”
“Did you just fist pump?”
“No. Yes. Fuck you. I’ve been waiting for this all year—God you’ve taken your sweet ass time about this you prick. It was the Ben guy, wasn’t it? That’s what tipped the scales.”
“What scales? There are no scales.”
“It knocked you on your ass.”
“I am definitely not on my ass.”
“Ahhhhh! This is huge. What are you going to do? You better not fuck this up, homeboy. Just be cool.”
“I am cool.Yoube cool.”
“I WILL NOT BE COOL!”
“Can you just answer my question?”
“No! I mean no, there’s no actual dating situations to speak of. She wants to. She’s ready. She’s so ready.”
“She is? So she’s talked about wanting to date other guys?”
“Yeah of course. Have you seen her body lately? She’s been working out and exfoliating and self-tanning and moisturizing. Did you see how big her hoop earrings were on Saturday? That’s earring-speak for my vagina is open for business—wide-open!”
I should not have made this call.
“But obviously her vagina would prefer to do business withyou, Theo.”
