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“Just coffee?”
I nodded.
He plated the toast and sat down on the stool next to me, watching me, his arm brushing against mine when he reached for a slice. My body tensed up.
“What’s wrong?”
I gave him a look.
“You want me to put a shirt on.”
“Whatever you want, it’s your house.”
“It’sourhouse.”
“It’syourhouse.” Emotional distancing. It felt good.
“Why are you in such a bad mood?” He took a sip of coffee. “Did you not enjoy our little goodnight kiss as much as I did?”
I covered my face with my hands. “Oh my God.”
“What?”
I pushed the plate out of the way and dropped my forehead to the countertop, wrapped my arms around my head. You know—playing it cool.
“I can’t believe I did that.”
“It wasn’t just you.”
“I can’t believe we did that.”
“Why not?”
I sat up, removed my hands from my face and gave him a wide-eyed mystified look. “Because it’syou!”
He grinned. He shrugged his shoulders. “You were drunk. I’m irresistible. It was bound to happen eventually.”
Wait. Did he say the words “little goodnight kiss?” Was that all it was to him?
“It was a Cheat Day treat. Nothing counts on Cheat Day.”
I shook my head and turned away from him, gripping the edge of the counter. If it were a table I would probably have flipped it over. If I weren’t so exhausted and totally dehydrated. He was trying to piss me off. He was giving me an out, so I wouldn’t blame myself, and I knew it. And it did piss me off. He may as well have kissed me on the forehead again.
“Hey,” he said, his voice suddenly placating. “I don’t want you to feel weird about this.”
I was holding my breath. I couldn’t look at him. All this time, secretly being in love with him, willing myself to fall out of love with him, psyching myself up to start dating someone else, just so I could get drunk and fondle his abs before puking. It was hopeless.
I flinched when he touched my shoulder.
“Whoa.”
I exhaled. “Sorry. I’m tense.”
“Come on.” His eyes were twinkling and his tone of voice was lighthearted and teasing, as if he were encouraging me to jump into a lake. “This isme. We’refriends. Just a couple of dorks who’ve lived together for years, right? It’s Sunday morning. We’re having breakfast. We can do this.”
I smiled. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. He always made me smile. Even when I was dying inside. I could feel my body relaxing. My grip on the edge of the counter relaxed. I jumped into the lake.
“There ya go,” he said.
